solarflare

Lover of peanutbutter and jelly sammies, supporter of the turtle rights amendment, masked avenger, general zombie enthusiast.

[solarflare @_solarflare]

If I won the Mega Millions, I’d buy a boxwood wreath. With the remaining $5 I’d get a nice bagel.

[solarflare @_solarflare]

Is it just me or did the ponytailed creep from #TigerKing fuck his tigers?

[solarflare @_solarflare]

A car just drove passed my house. Simply riveting.

[solarflare @_solarflare]

Every moment of my life is the most tired I’ve ever been.

[solarflare @_solarflare]

@chester_ramey , I saw your story on Sean Astin’s page. My father also had pancreatic cancer. So, this illness is very close to my heart. I just wanted to reach out and wish you all the best on your bucket list travels! Love from Florida ❤️

[solarflare @_solarflare]

@SeanAstin I’m Jonnica! I can’t believe I won! Thank you everything you do!

[Matt Fernandez @FattMernandez]

Women: Men need to learn no means NO!

Mothers to their sons: Stop it now, ok? Sweetie, what did I say? Ok Grayson, I'm gonna count to 10.

[Matt Fernandez @FattMernandez]

I just realized old people smell weird because they're decomposing.

[Matt Fernandez @FattMernandez]

I just want to lose enough weight to justify my narcissism.

[solarflare @_solarflare]

Walk boldly, as if half of your eyebrow isn’t drawn on your face.

[Reverend Scott @Reverend_Scott]

Dog 911: what's ur emergency?

Dog: MY HUMAN WENT TO WORK

Dog 911: so?

Dog: WHAT IF THIS TIME HE DOESN'T COME BACK

Dog 911: OMG

Dog: OMG

[solarflare @_solarflare]

Fuck TayTay, Kesha is life.

#Taylorisdead #kesharesurrected

[solarflare @_solarflare]

Being easy ain't easy.

[solarflare @_solarflare]

@DaveJ_Photoman Thank you Sweetie 😊 I miss the ole twitter days as well.

[solarflare @_solarflare]

Let's play a little game called "stop being a giant bag of dicks".

You go first.

[solarflare @_solarflare]

Friends, family, basically anyone: "Wow, that sounded bad"

Me: "I meant it that way"

[solarflare @_solarflare]

The ONLY reason I'm not currently homeless is because I love champagne too much.

[solarflare @_solarflare]

I guess if I had to label my "look" it would be called, frazzled and hungry.

[solarflare @_solarflare]

@FavstarOfTheDay @SilleVio A trophy! I'm flattered! Thank you 😊

[solarflare @_solarflare]

I may or may not have decided to give up on life. Then I watched a tiny monkey take a bubble bath. So I'm cool for like another 10-15 mins.