Mad pinto

[Mad pinto @_stupidInnocent]

On tv,when people have to give a statement there's usually someone sitting there who writes it down for them while they talk,and then all they have to do is just sign it after it's read back to them. Plus they get coffee and doughnuts and stuff.

[Mad pinto @_stupidInnocent]

To the many graduates on my timeline, congratulations. May the road ahead be as rewarding as the journey behind.

[Mad pinto @_stupidInnocent]

Hate and love are essentially the same in that the person who loves is as easily manipulated as the person who loves

[Confection @ConfectionTV]

Shows that are great from beginning to end:

Breaking Bad
Mad Men
The Sopranos
Nathan for You
The Leftovers
The Wire
Succession
Fleabag
Atlanta
Patriot
Love on the Spectrum
I Love Lucy

What would you add?

[Graeme Piper | Copywriter @DropCapCopy]

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Check out my list of 7 of the best books for freelancers, including the excellent 'The Autonomous Freelancer' by @DomKent and all these other superb authors.

[Nduko™ @nduko__]

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-Earn between $12–$20 per hour
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Thank me later.

For the best rates 🧵👇

[Ja Loka @_fels1]

Look at the people five years ahead of you in your current career. If you don't like what you see in their eyes, their health, or their families, you are looking at your own future.

[Rèed @Ian_San254]

Some days we kill 2 birds with one stone . Other days, we use 7 stones to kill one bird,today, a bird almost killed me..

[SANTAN @Santandave1]

IM RAPPING AGAIN!

[Thirsty Kipsoiwet 🇰🇪 🇳🇱 @Makiadi_]

A watchman guarding five stalls in Nairobi CBD, all filled with expensive electronics, works alone; very convenient.

One day, he is approached by robbers; people he schooled with and even neighbors back in Mathare North. They casually float the idea that this time they want to “visit” him at work and pluck “something small” from his bosses.

Knowing how rough and inhuman they are in their operations, he starts sweating profusely. He nervously slips off his jacket and tosses it over the back of his ‘sina taabu’ chair.

They are seated at the counter of their local pub, watching a football match. The flamboyant thugs sit on either side of him, sandwiching him. They laugh in sync, bang on the table, and ask the waitress to bring him another half bottle of Gilbey’s, and add it to their tab.

“Acha kutense mzae, tulia!” the ringleader tells him.

The ringleader tells him; he is about to lay out an intricate plan where everyone will walk away from the crime scene with something in hand.

They tell him that, in the full glare of CCTV, they will visit him at work deep into the night and appear to be having a conversation. Then his friend—he points at him—will spray over his head from behind as he seems to engage him in a hearty conversation.

The spray will be a normal air freshener, mostly used by Deepstate to keep their environment smelling fresh, but in that brief “drama festival,” he will appear to zone out before falling off his seat as if attacked by a deadly sedative drug.

They will tie him up, drag him into one of the shops, and then proceed to clean out all five stalls before bundling everything into a waiting pickup; all in the full glare of CCTV.

“Wazungu huita hii situation win-win, my brother,” the ringleader says, patting his back.

Confused and shaken, the watchman quietly downs a shot of Gilbey’s in silence. After a moment, he slowly nods.

“Wewe ni mjanja!” the ringleader says as they laugh in unison.

A few days later, they do exactly as planned. In fact, the footage is shown on national television, and they even watch it together again in the same spot.

When the management sees what the watchman “endured” in the hands of the ruthless thugs—and how he was “dosed” with “mchele”—they sympathise with him. They give him a full week off after taking him to hospital to recuperate and recover fully.

As the waitress brings another bottle of Martell VSOP, the ringleader quietly passes him a brown envelope under the counter top. The watchman tries to open it, but one of the robbers stops him.

“Usifungue hapa… hapo ndani kuna 500K cash!”

[Mad pinto @_stupidInnocent]

@Kenyans

[Mad pinto @_stupidInnocent]

@irrizwarririz 😂😂

[🦇 @irrizwarririz]

When she's a 10 but bado anapanga line ya supermetro

[Mad pinto @_stupidInnocent]

@ellabosslady_ A real woman wouldn't bother 😂

[Fight Central @FightCentralFC]

This is so beautiful, no electronics, no distractions. Just men and nature.

[Mad pinto @_stupidInnocent]

@Justabotaccoun @gamahipe @Listen_Brothers 😂😂😂😂😂

[LANDLORD🇰🇪 @bozgabi]

Mnipee mix kali kali ya Reggae yenye DJ haongei katikati Please. Let's do a thread...

[kvng Baff @kvng_baff]

Every Manchester United fan will enjoy watching this video. We have been through a lot 🥹

[Paratrooper Brady @paratroopbrady]

Heres what needs to happen to the cartels in Mexico. They have been in existence for far too long.

[Goals Galore @GoalsGalorecom]

Nastiest celebration ever