Andrew Leary

Laters on the Menjay

[Andrew Leary @_thenameisandy]

I believe time is moving faster, but only when I’m sleeping. And I believe time is also slowing down, but only when I’m doing a plank. We need to get out and vote, people!

[Andrew Leary @_thenameisandy]

I can’t imagine having anxiety as a sewer rat. Like here have some cheese little guy let’s just breath it out together

[Andrew Leary @_thenameisandy]

I’ve literally never seen two polar bears doing it. Are they doing alright in numbers? I might have to do something about it

[Andrew Leary @_thenameisandy]

I don’t think the groundhog believes in climate change. Vote phil out!

[NASA @NASA]

Keep your eye on the donut and not on the hole.

In memory of David Lynch, we will continue to explore the otherworldly and the unknown. We will focus not on the loss, but on what we gained from the years we shared this planet with you. We will see you in our dreams.

[Andrew Leary @_thenameisandy]

Can you imagine time traveling back to like the 1600s and cleaning out a farmers ear with one of those tiny camera ear scoopers? Like talk about jackpot

[Andrew Leary @_thenameisandy]

Am I the asshole for keeping a man in prison for stealing a loaf of bread to feed his poor family and having a song battle with him over it? Like it is literally my duty to the law

[Andrew Leary @_thenameisandy]

What even is there to look forward to on July 4th now

[NBC News @NBCNews]

NEW: Joey Chestnut, a 16-time champion of the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest, is unable to participate in the July 4 event after signing with another hot dog brand, according to Major League Eating. https://t.co/aFR5FTdpGd

[𝕯𝖎𝖑𝖉𝖔 𝕭𝖆𝖌𝖌𝖎𝖓𝖘 @EmmaTolkin]

THIS IS SO FUCKING FUNNY IT LOOKS LIKE A ROMCOM 😭

Pls share posters that TRULY do not match the actual tone/vibe of the movie, it’s my favorite.

[Andrew Leary @_thenameisandy]

#perpetualmotiontheory put mini hand fans or small cut pieces of cardboard on a bike wheel. Then spin it to generate enough electricity to power an electric fan. Then plug in the fan and point it at the wheel so it will spin without you. Is that perpetual motion? Did I solve it?

[Andrew Leary @_thenameisandy]

“Hidden Valley Ranch: bottled at the source, untouched by man”

I still can’t believe Elon Musk found the ranch tucked away in that valley, he’s come so far

[Andrew Leary @_thenameisandy]

What the hell is apple news smoking

[Andrew Leary @_thenameisandy]

This is exactly what I’ve been trying to tell everyone, been saying it for years but no one seems to listen.

Lif plo bla

[Andrew Leary @_thenameisandy]

I wish there was a way to rate @NJTRANSIT like it was a movie or a restaurant. I would karen the heck out of my review, I would ask to see the nj transit manager if I could. I would give nj transit a happy birthday card with no money in it

[Andrew Leary @_thenameisandy]

I love her movies, Jurassic Park is one of my favorites! Definitely gonna try her cookies!

[Andrew Leary @_thenameisandy]

Inflation is bad, balloons are scary when they get big.

Anyone know what cotton eyed joe did to that poor singer? Why couldn’t he just get married? And why are we all dancing to his misfortune?

These are the questions we should be asking

[Andrew Leary @_thenameisandy]

@NJTRANSIT I want a refund for my train ticket, I had to uber from metuchen to get to New Brunswick

[Andrew Leary @_thenameisandy]

Do camels eat cactuses with spikes and think “mmmm this is one spicy cactus”?

[NBC News @NBCNews]

Professional surfer Bethany Hamilton says she does not intend to participate in upcoming World Surf League events after the organization announced it will allow transgender women to compete in women’s events. https://t.co/hLFdp3GGpv

[Andrew Leary @_thenameisandy]

Everytime I see something that says NPR my brain thinks “Neil Patrick Rarris?”