Alissa Umansky

meaningless brevity and bad puns

[Alissa Umansky @a11ssa]

I am the grandchild and great grandchild of immigrants. https://t.co/kfyJK7NV7B

[Iheanyi Ekechukwu @kwuchu]

Yo, RT this if you are a child of immigrants. Because people don't realize how many of us there are.

[Alissa Umansky @a11ssa]

Seething with silent rage around your family this Thanksgiving? You need a good #HolidayScream

https://t.co/n8H1IuMRAv

[Alissa Umansky @a11ssa]

I was overcome with joy this morning upon noticing that our new gallon of milk will expire AFTER this election is over.

[Alissa Umansky @a11ssa]

Believe me, she loved to eat, that very hungry caterpillar. No self control. Sad! #TrumpBookReports

[Alissa Umansky @a11ssa]

Cyber Monday has basically become a day-long game of whack-a-mole between me and my inbox.

[Alissa Umansky @a11ssa]

Introducing Mia to Iron Maiden. Her observations: "He's running to the hills!" "He's singing very… https://t.co/JWQCXhZZBT

[Jamie Tanner @jamietanner]

"Let's see if Bob Balaban has an Instagram." — My wife, who clearly knows how to use her time wisely.

[Alissa Umansky @a11ssa]

Every time I see the word 'baller' I just want to tack 'ina' to the end of it.

[Alissa Umansky @a11ssa]

Happy Cinco de Mayo! https://t.co/EPSfz9NaJp

[Alissa Umansky @a11ssa]

On humid days, my hair becomes an honorary member of Lynyrd Skynyrd.

[Alissa Umansky @a11ssa]

Brilliant work, Key Food branding team.

[Alissa Umansky @a11ssa]

Did they ever?

[Alissa Umansky @a11ssa]

@nicebird Thanks! Yep, had a little boy three weeks ago. Hope all's well!

[Alissa Umansky @a11ssa]

Among my favorite perks of the postpartum period is the medical mandate to not exercise.

[Alissa Umansky @a11ssa]

Where we're going, we don't need roads. (Ok, we do. But still, Happy New Year!)

[My Modern Met @mymodernmet]

Artist boldly reimagines US currency with modern design http://t.co/OJjQ1BNmiN

[Alissa Umansky @a11ssa]

Nice, Groupon. You're really winning over your bargain-hunting target audience with this $1M topaz 'deal' today http://t.co/3X3kkp1Sva

[Alissa Umansky @a11ssa]

I'm going to start a bus line that goes from Atlantic City to Washington DC and only plays AC/DC.

[Alissa Umansky @a11ssa]

Does anyone else take out the trash to the tune of MC5's 'Kick Out the Jams'?

[Jamie Tanner @jamietanner]

"He bonked his head. He needs ice. They're kicking." — Toddler World Cup commentary