aCouchInNewYork

I'm 32 yrs old... For the past year I've been living on a couch in New York.

[aCouchInNewYork @aCouchInNY]

https://t.co/MQ1yzt04aJ #QuarantineLife #QuarantineAndChill #quarantine2020

[TheComedyConsultant @ComicConsultant]

It's normal for a movie star to have a family member as a manager. It's less normal for an adult movie star. #thecomedyconsultant #Jobs #Comedy #JokeoftheDay

[TheComedyConsultant @ComicConsultant]

This #Quarantine has been very productive. I've been able to add an entire 2nd chin. #QuarantineLife

[TheComedyConsultant @ComicConsultant]

Happy #StPattysDay!!!

#coronavirus #COVID19 #CoronavirusOutbreak #coronapocolypse #stayhomechallenge #jokes #StPatricksDay #thecomedyconsultant

[aCouchInNewYork @aCouchInNY]

Personal motto: why do today what you could do tomorrow, or never #MotivationalMonday #Affirmation

[aCouchInNewYork @aCouchInNY]

I may be cash poor but I'm Barnes & Nobles gift card rich. #MoneyTalks #MoneyHeist

[aCouchInNewYork @aCouchInNY]

The more you say "no" to stuff, the less people ask you to do stuff... And I say, what's the problem? #antisocialsocialclub

[aCouchInNewYork @aCouchInNY]

I just got recommended to watch a video on #YouTube titled: 3 Reasons Why People Hate You. Sorry. I already know why.

[aCouchInNewYork @aCouchInNY]

Why is my phone trying to protect my hearing? If I wanted to protect my hearing, I wouldn't have moved to NYC.

[aCouchInNewYork @aCouchInNY]

I was really into #FengShui until I found out it was going to cost me 10grand to redecorate. #PositiveVibes

[aCouchInNewYork @aCouchInNY]

Poppycock: when your girlfriend eats a bagel before going down on you

[aCouchInNewYork @aCouchInNY]

#Soccer is the only sport you could amputate 2 limbs and the game wouldn't change at all. Actually, it would be more exciting.

[aCouchInNewYork @aCouchInNY]

Uh, thinking about canceling my #DominicanRepublic elopement plans. Good thing I haven't met the girl yet.

[aCouchInNewYork @aCouchInNY]

Transcript - a script that identifies different than its assigned gender. #gender #GenderSwap

[aCouchInNewYork @aCouchInNY]

I've been burning the candle at both ends and in the middle

[aCouchInNewYork @aCouchInNY]

I told my #landlord I had some ants. She replied, "so do I." #NYC

[aCouchInNewYork @aCouchInNY]

Out of all the lazy people I know, I'm one of the hardest working. #Grinding

[aCouchInNewYork @aCouchInNY]

It's never good when you can see your breath from the cold and you're inside. #PolarVortex #winter

[aCouchInNewYork @aCouchInNY]

My Grandpop suggested I marry a rich girl or a widow. That's a new one.

[aCouchInNewYork @aCouchInNY]

Lesser known #Christmas songs... Grandma Got Run Over by a Forklift #ChristmasSong #Christmas2018 #ChristmasSeason