Ca n'tsay

A douchebag. That's pretty much it.

[Paul Feig @paulfeig]

My prediction is the world will end two weeks ago and we'll all realize we've been living in a Twilight Zone episode. #effyouHaroldCamping

[Ca n'tsay @a_douchebag]

Wow. I haven't been here in a while. But with Gaddafi dead, some one has to restore the douche quota of the interwebs.

[Ca n'tsay @a_douchebag]

My first thought on hearing of Gaddafi's death: How will John Oliver and Andy Salzman and the @hellobuglers go on without him?

[Ca n'tsay @a_douchebag]

A coffee mug of whiskey would be great right now, actually.

[Ca n'tsay @a_douchebag]

I get it, it's business, but that could have been a bit more tactful. #douchbagness

[Ca n'tsay @a_douchebag]

Went from a feeling a little bit better and more stable to getting a lovely passive aggressive discussion with supposed friend. Perfect.

[Ca n'tsay @a_douchebag]

That's what I need: a title! Lord A Douchebag http://youtu.be/K_b3oPslctA

[Ca n'tsay @a_douchebag]

So... how long after the funeral do you wait to ask the bereaving hot girl for her number? #justasking

[The Dark Lord @Lord_Voldemort7]

Hi, Thursday? I'm going to need you stop sucking. You're not in some kind of twisted contest with Monday. Step it the hell up.

[Ca n'tsay @a_douchebag]

Is it too early to start on that bottle of bourbon? Oh, wait, it's happy hour somewhere in the world...

[Ca n'tsay @a_douchebag]

Of course I want to come and work for you in the bitter cold the day after receiving my notice that I'm out at the end of the week.

[Ca n'tsay @a_douchebag]

Should have realized: no good would come from waking up from that dream about my high school crush finally agreeing to have sex with me.

[Roger Ebert @ebertchicago]

Patricia Cornwall on her new book, her mid-40s crisis, her break with the Bushes, her loss of $40 mil, her homosexuality. http://j.mp/fFd8w8

[Ca n'tsay @a_douchebag]

I wish I weren't in love with you.

[Ca n'tsay @a_douchebag]

Who was the balloon twisting genius that did this? http://i.imgur.com/FZBkp.jpg (NSFW)

[Ca n'tsay @a_douchebag]

Calling me to be at a location 10mins BEFORE you want me there when it was scheduled for 1 hour later than that is a #douchemove

[Ca n'tsay @a_douchebag]

Dear GOP, I don't want healthcare repealed, I want it fixed. So stop saying "America wants it", you fucking cunts. kthnxbai

[Ca n'tsay @a_douchebag]

Douchebaggery: Right-wing conservative Christian politicians who say they are "called to run for office by God" who attack Islam & Muslims.

[Ca n'tsay @a_douchebag]

Cock sucker. That is all.

[Ca n'tsay @a_douchebag]

I'mma go ahead & jump into a bottle of bourbon, hit a strip club, try to dip my douchenozzle up some whores. See you in a few weeks.