ooh i’m zohran mamdani. my wife is hot. my favorite soccer team won the league for the first time in 22 years. my favorite basketball team won the championship for the first time in 53 years. fuck you man.
also just watched a @HeidiPriebe1 video about avoidant attachment that made me tear up where she talks about how avoidants tend to be self-aware but not relationally aware because when they are dating someone they hold themselves to the standard of "what would a good partner do this in the moment" rather than "what do I authentically feel in this moment, and what are the implications of that" because they learned at a young age that safety resides in being the person who does the right thing. and actually a sign of real security is being willing to express emotional states and boundaries that might upset the other person and show vulnerability instead of assuming the role of the stoic, perfect caretaker at all times. It really made me reflect on how I was much more avoidant when I thought that the only way I could be loved or safe was by showing up constantly as the ideal partner (which obviously ended up being a crippling amount of pressure and would end with me desperately fantasizing about escaping the relationship so I would be free of that particular burden) and how freeing it is to have learned that I can be loved even when I'm imperfect or upsetting the other person. And it makes me feel sad for the people I know who struggle to fully understand that your feelings should inform your obligations. In Bluets Maggie Nelson writes that "Love is not consolation. It is light." Earning secure attachment for me has the process of learning that over and over
Rejection sensitivity is the dumbest most would destroying thing, 24h thinking about how I deserve everything bad that ever happened to me and have no worth as a person because of the slightest mistake. Pussy ass disorder
it has occurred to me that i really don't need to feel guilty for my failures. i don't have to make a bed for my failures. i don't have to weaponize my failures or turn their blades inward. i can acknowledge them and still give myself the momentum of forgiveness, every time .
years ago, i came across a quote “if you want people to care, you need to care first” it has stayed with me ever since. i think we need to be kind without expecting anything, because sometimes the reciprocity comes much later, when you least expect it. (it all comes back around).
The more you learn about child abuse, the more you begin to realize that unconditional love is expected from children toward their parents, not the other way around. And it was never the other way around.
turns out, reading voraciously, moving your body, loving people without keeping score, protecting your solitude, chasing nothing but your own growth, and occasionally staying out too late with people who make you laugh until it hurts is not a bad way to build a life.
One of my favorite parts of having adhd is how failing yourself numerous times every single day on a micro level infinitely reinforces the self-hate neural pathways until they are so strong that even your high-achieving perfectionism and severe anxiety can’t balance them out so you’re just perpetually disappointed in yourself and convinced you’re incapable no matter what you achieve