then on March 7th I woke up in severe torment again, i told my partner ‘it’s back’, and I was suffering again tremendously, in so much grief and pain and SI unexplicably, and by May 8th I had applied for assisted dying with Dignitas.
i cant comprehend how this can happen to me
TW -
i’ve been stuck in a state of severe suicidal ideation/emotional torment for 18 months following a CBT session and for some reason it just keeps getting worse and worse?
I’ve lost so much of my life to this and don’t know how much more I can tolerate this.
On feb 28th 2025 I had been normal again for a week or so. I was so happy that I booked tickets to see Usher in London and reached out to distant family members to arrange a meal. I was so grateful to be alive and to be happy. I have text messages saying ‘thank god thats over’
I cannot comprehend how someone can just go from completely healthy to unbearably tormented with suicidal ideation and emotional pain and back, multiple times, like a light switch and then for this to get progressively worse.
I’ve been working with a somatic therapist for a while now is also confused why nothing is helping me and is trying to palm me off to do EMDR instead, but EMDR therapists said they need specific memories to work with me and I don’t have that!
@BatemanHorne@LBatemanMD@DavidMeyers6@DavidLepofsky@MEActNet@MEActNetUK@mecfsskeptic@Aaronca11@MemorialME@MillionMissCan
HELP🔴 URGENT FORCED TRANSFER CAUSING MEDICAL HARM- Shelter System- Senior Shelter Salvation Army 2671 Islington. M9V 2X6, Toronto
I am a Very Severe ME/CFS patient with a history of three strokes and a seizure disorder resulting in significant neurological, physical, cognitive, and sensory impairment. Exertion, upright activity, stress, noise, light, forced activity, and disruption cause serious medical deterioration, crashes, seizures, and worsening neurological symptoms that can last for months or longer.
I was illegally removed from my apartment of approximately 33 years without receiving the notices that were legally required to be delivered to my door by tribunal/court order.
At Yorkland I was already in a severe/very severe ME crash state and repeatedly explained that I could not tolerate being moved because it would cause serious worsening of my condition. I was told “I’m not a doctor” and transferred anyway. The transfer and continued exertion/disruption caused a deeper crash to an extremely low functioning level lasting for more than two months afterward. I still had not begun even small improvement before the continued stress, lack of accommodation, disruption, and ongoing issues at the Seniors Shelter caused further worsening again.
Cassie came to my room this morning and stated she would be “helping me pack” between approximately 10:30–11:00 and calling a cab for transfer. I told her to read my reply email outlining my severe medical limitations, crashes, seizures, inability to tolerate exertion/upright activity, and accommodation needs. She stated that she had read it and repeated that she would be coming to pack and call a cab.
This follows two confrontations yesterday with Derrick regarding the same issues, as well as his email response which did not acknowledge or address the medical limitations, crashes, seizure risk, inability to tolerate exertion/upright activity, or accommodation needs I repeatedly explained.
I forced myself to sit upright and type yesterday’s email in an attempt to stop this transfer or at minimum have my disability accommodations recognized and followed. Doing so caused severe worsening of symptoms and left me passed out for approximately five hours afterward.
I do not consent to forced packing, forced transfer, or cab transport. I am medically unable to tolerate prolonged upright activity, packing, moving, or transport without serious deterioration, crashing, and seizure worsening.
Even on a comparatively better day, I could not physically tolerate transport that distance by cab. In my current condition, if transport were medically required, I would require ambulance transport.
I require stability in order to recover from this crash, not further exertion and disruption.
I am reiterating that I require a single-occupancy accessible room, accessible bathing/shower facilities, and transfer of my disability supports from Yorkland. These disability supports are medically necessary extensions of my disability accommodations and not ordinary personal belongings.
Cheryl Benson