JaKisumo

[jacob juma @kabetes]

The only reason why William Ruto fights Standard newspaper, owners & her editors is coz of perceived political competition with Gideon Moi.

[𝖓❦™️ @kushb6rbie]

a lot of socializing involves performative interest and i simply do not give a shit

[Polymarket @Polymarket]

JUST IN: Looksmaxxer, Clavicular, mogged by “Chad” judge in Miami court hearing.

[JaKisumo @abangchieth1]

@yusuf_mahatt Aura farming

[JaKisumo @abangchieth1]

@ChelseaFC Wrap it up

[JaKisumo @abangchieth1]

@ChelseaFC Embarassing. Rosenior out!!!

[Arsenal @Arsenal]

Full-time in Manchester.

[The Babylon Bee @TheBabylonBee]

Ayatollah To Give Speech As Soon As Officials Find The Rest Of His Body https://t.co/SAhWHkQ6lr

[Samwitch @Samwitchx]

Just signed up for something and the website said my password was very strong. Possibly the strongest they’ve ever seen.

[cav empty @cavempty_]

she let me hit because she has let me hit for generations in an infinite number of past lives in the karmic cycle. sometimes as four horned antelopes, as a speck of pollen on a bluebell flower, or even as algae surrounding hydrothermal vents on the deep sea floor

[Peter Girnus 🦅 @gothburz]

Last quarter I rolled out Microsoft Copilot to 4,000 employees.

$30 per seat per month.

$1.4 million annually.

I called it "digital transformation."

The board loved that phrase.

They approved it in eleven minutes.

No one asked what it would actually do.

Including me.

I told everyone it would "10x productivity."

That's not a real number.

But it sounds like one.

HR asked how we'd measure the 10x.

I said we'd "leverage analytics dashboards."

They stopped asking.

Three months later I checked the usage reports.

47 people had opened it.

12 had used it more than once.

One of them was me.

I used it to summarize an email I could have read in 30 seconds.

It took 45 seconds.

Plus the time it took to fix the hallucinations.

But I called it a "pilot success."

Success means the pilot didn't visibly fail.

The CFO asked about ROI.

I showed him a graph.

The graph went up and to the right.

It measured "AI enablement."

I made that metric up.

He nodded approvingly.

We're "AI-enabled" now.

I don't know what that means.

But it's in our investor deck.

A senior developer asked why we didn't use Claude or ChatGPT.

I said we needed "enterprise-grade security."

He asked what that meant.

I said "compliance."

He asked which compliance.

I said "all of them."

He looked skeptical.

I scheduled him for a "career development conversation."

He stopped asking questions.

Microsoft sent a case study team.

They wanted to feature us as a success story.

I told them we "saved 40,000 hours."

I calculated that number by multiplying employees by a number I made up.

They didn't verify it.

They never do.

Now we're on Microsoft's website.

"Global enterprise achieves 40,000 hours of productivity gains with Copilot."

The CEO shared it on LinkedIn.

He got 3,000 likes.

He's never used Copilot.

None of the executives have.

We have an exemption.

"Strategic focus requires minimal digital distraction."

I wrote that policy.

The licenses renew next month.

I'm requesting an expansion.

5,000 more seats.

We haven't used the first 4,000.

But this time we'll "drive adoption."

Adoption means mandatory training.

Training means a 45-minute webinar no one watches.

But completion will be tracked.

Completion is a metric.

Metrics go in dashboards.

Dashboards go in board presentations.

Board presentations get me promoted.

I'll be SVP by Q3.

I still don't know what Copilot does.

But I know what it's for.

It's for showing we're "investing in AI."

Investment means spending.

Spending means commitment.

Commitment means we're serious about the future.

The future is whatever I say it is.

As long as the graph goes up and to the right.

[Barack Obama @BarackObama]

Raila Odinga was a true champion of democracy. A child of independence, he endured decades of struggle and sacrifice for the broader cause of freedom and self-governance in Kenya. Time and again, I personally saw him put the interests of his country ahead of his own ambitions. Like few other leaders anywhere, he was willing to choose the path of peaceful reconciliation without compromising his core values. Through his life, Raila Odinga set an example not just for Kenyans, but across Africa and around the world. I know he will be missed. Michelle and I send our deepest condolences to his family and to the people of Kenya.

[Ja Loka @_fels1]

As SDAs get close to the end of the month of camp meetings, here is the most important message for all men.

[Citizen TV Kenya @citizentvkenya]

You cannot go to the streets and expect police to come kiss you - Gachagua https://t.co/mYE40tFDgy

[Billy, The GOAT @_CrazyNairobian]

We are back to this formation again 😭

#CHAN2024

[St. Bervon @bavonski]

The France-Africa summit has always been held in France or Francophone African countries since 1973. They can't do it in Francophone nations now because France has been hounded out of West Africa. Macron had to look for the most shameless leader, foolish enough to host the summit

[The Mossad: Satirical and Awesome @TheMossadIL]

Iran claims that they hit a Mossad base in Israel.
That's OK. All of us are in Iran anyway.

[The Misfit Patriot @misfitpatriot_]

Israel is a country the size of New Jersey and they’re kicking the dog shit out of Iran right now. Meanwhile, you have pussies in America that are scared to fight terrorists because they don’t want gas prices to go up.

We used to be a country that was feared and respected. You fuckin cowards need to find your fucking sacks.

[Chelsea FC @ChelseaFC]

EUROPEAN WINNERS!!! 🏆