Abbert

coming soon to a library near you

[Abbert @abbertschultz]

Shoutout to 10 years of practice and lots of sketch books. We've come a long way. 🤓🎨

[Jeremy ButtShaker @iLikeCatShirts]

It's that pottery scene from Ghost except it's me standing behind the Subway sandwich artist helping him make my sandwich.

[Steven W Skinner @SkinnerSteven]

I put my phone in Airplane! mode and now it calls me Shirley

[Abbert @abbertschultz]

A hotdog is a sandwich.

[Emote! at the Location @emotionlocation]

frown! at the henge

[Todd 'Papi' Carlos @TheToddWilliams]

HER: I think we should break up

ME: But...why?

HER: I don't know if it's your terrible puns or the fact that you don't "believe" in the color blue

ME {quietly to self}: Cyans fiction

HER: Or both

[Piece @Piecezilla]

I bought a fishing license and am looking forward to riding fish, legally.

[Abbert @abbertschultz]

Pretty rude of the nhl to assume that an 8:30 puck drop isn’t wildly disruptive to my normal sleep schedule

[paperwash© @PaperWash]

lowering gas prices would be an insult to all of us who've paid for high gas prices

[Abbert @abbertschultz]

@teamedward0000 Fake news

[Abbert @abbertschultz]

Ok fine I’ll bite. Wtf is a sedan

[Abbert @abbertschultz]

Sir, that is an alien.

[Bo Bartlett @theBoBartlett]

Ok.. scary bug alert! Who on Twitter can help us identify this guy.. about 6 or 7 inches long.. spotted on the River Walk along the Chattahoochee in Georgia.. I’ll wait here..

[donni saphire @donni]

Kazoos are a scam. Just humming into a stick. Oldest trick in the book

[Quilliam @nyquills]

Getting 8 hours of sleep isn't enough I want to slumber underneath the earth for millennia like the old gods

[Abbert @abbertschultz]

What the hell does March have to be mad about

[Abbert @abbertschultz]

Can you imagine how pissed Aaron Rodgers is that he didn’t think of faking his own retirement for the attention

[Abbert @abbertschultz]

@elainawald did you write this

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Embarrassed Woman Hopes Coworkers Didn’t Catch Her Bashing Forehead Into Keyboard https://t.co/GKXHtvUkyr