when I die I want to be cremated, then find my mortal enemy, blow my ashes in their face, when they're blinded kick them in the stomach then give them a stone cold stunner
alien: we want your resources
human: you can just mine asteroids n stuff
alien: your water
human: you figured out light speed travel but you can't make h2o?
alien:
me:
alien: we enjoy murder
me: I'm gunna get my son the Harry Potter books and start reading them with him
mom friend: omg I totally did that
me: [squinting] why the hell are you reading with my son