paperwash©

Molly

[paperwash© @PaperWash]

18: can I buy a bottle of wine?

USA: no that's illegal & irresponsible

18: can I go $50,000 into debt for education?

USA: we encourage it

[Hanch Tarchup Jr. @misharipov]

I just don't understand why women think they need all these surgeries

[paperwash© @PaperWash]

@_NatalieWould

[paperwash© @PaperWash]

please do not show this to Eli Roth

[Meg @megannn_lynne]

Don’t understand why movies push the narrative that eating ice cream straight from the pint is a sad, pathetic act. I have only ever done it joyfully.

[Natalie Would @_NatalieWould]

Sleeping Beauty was clinically depressed

[paperwash© @PaperWash]

Obsession (2026): a man dates a Scorpio woman. 1 hr 49 min. Rated R.

[paperwash© @PaperWash]

@iGreenGod that's my only skill in life

[paperwash© @PaperWash]

"I've read 84 books so far this year"

well I've only read 7 but I've watched 82 billion hours of Internet ads

[paperwash© @PaperWash]

his mouth is full of food, have the waiter ask if everything came out ok

[paperwash© @PaperWash]

@VexingVixxen Preferably stunning off a cliff but I can't be too picky

[paperwash© @PaperWash]

when I die I want to be cremated, then find my mortal enemy, blow my ashes in their face, when they're blinded kick them in the stomach then give them a stone cold stunner

[paperwash© @PaperWash]

@Jay_FrickinLynn I'm just here for the cookies

[paperwash© @PaperWash]

thinking about tweets

[paperwash© @PaperWash]

Snakebites are the perfect drink if you want that authentic flavor of an apple covered in dirt

[paperwash© @PaperWash]

alien: we want your resources

human: you can just mine asteroids n stuff

alien: your water

human: you figured out light speed travel but you can't make h2o?

alien:

me:

alien: we enjoy murder

[paperwash© @PaperWash]

me: I'm gunna get my son the Harry Potter books and start reading them with him

mom friend: omg I totally did that

me: [squinting] why the hell are you reading with my son

[paperwash© @PaperWash]

"fRUiT dOeSnT beLonG oN piZzA" you mean like tomato SAUCE, green peppers or jalapenos??

[paperwash© @PaperWash]

@GLB_88 On the Internet

[paperwash© @PaperWash]

@Jay_FrickinLynn Fine but only if I get to play the drums too

[paperwash© @PaperWash]

@Jay_FrickinLynn Start a traveling family band and make millions, those are your kids now

[paperwash© @PaperWash]

@BookQueen00 @CaffeinatedLiha THANK YOU ❤️🫠