Say it ain't so

I ate your cookie

[Say it ain't so @Shut_up_Marissa]

I've got 99 problems and exaggerating is probably one because I actually have like 3 or 4.

[Uncle Bob 🍩 @UncleBob56]

People claiming to never pick their nose have no place in my social circles.

[Say it ain't so @Shut_up_Marissa]

If I could go back in time and tell myself one thing I’d say “You’re going to do a lot of really dumb shit” and then I’d let her continue on her dumb shit journey, because she’s gotta learn for herself.

[Say it ain't so @Shut_up_Marissa]

I’ve been off social media too long and it shows

[Say it ain't so @Shut_up_Marissa]

If I were an influencer I’d just influence everyone to stop influencing

[Minnie @babyblue0924]

I’m really good at things until someone stands there and watches me do it.

[Say it ain't so @Shut_up_Marissa]

An IQ test that measures people’s intelligence based on their insults

[Say it ain't so @Shut_up_Marissa]

Do you think someone actually got blasted with shit after it somehow hit a fan and just stood there thinking “Wow..that sucked”

[Say it ain't so @Shut_up_Marissa]

Me talking to myself: “Wait, what did you just say?”

[Say it ain't so @Shut_up_Marissa]

Teenagers be like “I already told you that” while forgetting literally everything you ever tell them.

[Say it ain't so @Shut_up_Marissa]

@PaperWash When it does it’ll forget something. The person will be gone but you’ll find their foot somewhere. It’ll probably be wherever my arm is.

[Say it ain't so @Shut_up_Marissa]

When you ask Chat to edit out your friend and it says ok but I’m taking your arm too. Proof of life. 40 and hydrated.

[Douglas A. Boneparth @dougboneparth]

I don’t want to party like it’s 1999. I want to buy a house like it’s 1999.

[Say it ain't so @Shut_up_Marissa]

@UncommonSense73 I guess either way I’m losing weight right

[Say it ain't so @Shut_up_Marissa]

Finally decided to get serious about eating healthy and bought a bunch of salads. Now I’m trying to decide if I should throw them away or play possible diarrhea roulette.

[Say it ain't so @Shut_up_Marissa]

@machinegunkelly And high five them

[paperwash© @PaperWash]

stranger: you're gunna look stupid with all those tattoos when you're 80

me: listen pal, everyone looks stupid when they're 80

[Say it ain't so @Shut_up_Marissa]

A psychology study found that people who hide behind anonymous accounts and leave aggressive comments are deeply insecure, poorly educated, and lack basic common sense.

I made that study up, but comment sections keep validating my hypothesis.

[Say it ain't so @Shut_up_Marissa]

I’m sorry to break it to you, but if there is a God, He’s probably far more disappointed in those who use unwavering faith as an excuse to treat other people poorly than in the people who simply don’t share their beliefs.

[Say it ain't so @Shut_up_Marissa]

The end of a salad needs to be eaten with a spoon. You can’t convince me otherwise.