Big Chungus

probably too much Smurf content.

[Big Chungus @AbsoluteYouKnit]

Imagine eating a bee hive. Ok now explain why you didn’t picture yourself doing it with a fork and knife, and why the hell would there still be bee’s it lmao what are you a fucken idiot they would kill you

[Big Chungus @AbsoluteYouKnit]

I feel a warm pop in my mouth as I bite into a wild mushroom. A strange blue liquid begins to coat my teeth. As I spit its remains to the forest floor I find pieces of tiny furniture and a small red hat. A faint scream of “Papa!!” Raises up from the woods….

[Big Chungus @AbsoluteYouKnit]

@BuckyIsotope Totally normal human way to hold up a middle finger. Definitely not a bot…..

[Big Chungus @AbsoluteYouKnit]

The pirate skill set is honestly the highest of any other you can acquire. Navigating, sailing, plundering, dietary management to avoid scurvy, sword fighting, cannon expert, rum aficionado…parrot training.

[Big Chungus @AbsoluteYouKnit]

I’m just saying, Handy Smurf is useless as far as the smurfs home construction goes. Like, put down the lumber you little blue doofus, we live in mushrooms

[Big Chungus @AbsoluteYouKnit]

@murrman5 “Trust me, im due”

[Nate @thenatewolf]

Calling Spider-Man “spidey” too early in the relationship. He slaps me and webs me.

[Cat Damon @CornOnTheGoblin]

me: honey im home
wife: how was your first night class
me: [hangs up suit of armor] not good

[tia ★ @tiadeeznuts]

apple pay should cancel the transaction if i look sad during the face ID part

[Big Chungus @AbsoluteYouKnit]

Blind friend: I don’t think this is braille.

Me: *holding out bubble wrap* it’s all uppercase

[The Notorious B.E.V. 🌈 @blade_funner]

[GOD INVENTING THE WEASEL]

You know what we need? An otter you can't fucking trust.

[Big Chungus @AbsoluteYouKnit]

Cop: how do you know the attack was an alligator?

Me: *grabbing him by the shirt* he said he would “see me later”

[Big Chungus @AbsoluteYouKnit]

Me: So, what did you find out?

Mechanic: I’m pretty sure you’ve blown a seal.

Me: Sea World was never able to prove that.

[Big Chungus @AbsoluteYouKnit]

@FredTaming Buddy, you’re gonna want to sit down when I say this…

[Big Chungus @AbsoluteYouKnit]

@PaperWash Chill out… like a nice slice of pizza

[tasman @lildorothy_]

first dates are tricky i never know if i'm talking about 9/11 enough

[Big Chungus @AbsoluteYouKnit]

Friend: *pouring their heart out about a huge life tragedy*

Me: *holding my soft serve cone as it melts trying to ascertain if a lick around would be inappropriate*

[Nate @thenatewolf]

Calling women "bro" (so they don't fall in love)

[Cat Damon @CornOnTheGoblin]

me: does my cat know when i get a haircut
genie: ok that's not really a wish

[Big Chungus @AbsoluteYouKnit]

When your biggest post has a typo you keep it or die

[Big Chungus @AbsoluteYouKnit]

Imagine eating a bee hive. Ok now explain why you didn’t picture yourself doing it with a fork and knife, and why the hell would there still be bee’s it lmao what are you a fucken idiot they would kill you