Amanda Behlman

Just a small town girl, living in a lonely world...wait, that's not me...

[Amanda Behlman @abehlman]

Hoping @fakedansavage will discuss California's SB 145 and the storm surrounding it on an upcoming #savagelovecast. The bill isn't pro-pedophilia, but it's funny seeing how people who think it is support the orange sex-offender calling himself POTUS.

[Joey⚡️ @joeygllghr]

Regular back:
-will hurt eventually
-boring
-stupid bones

Backstreet's back:
-alright

[Amanda Behlman @abehlman]

@jimjefferies Now you've gone too far.

[Amanda Behlman @abehlman]

@TheBloggess If I offer you toilet paper/a breath mint can we be besties?

[Kate Brauning @KateBrauning]

By age 30 you should have:

$3 in savings
$5,000 in credit card debt
Existential dread
A favorite spoon
One half-dead plant you feel really bad about because your mom keeps asking for grandkids but you’re not ready and you thought this basil plant would be a good place to start

[Susie Dent @susie_dent]

A reminder that to 'hurkle-durkle', in old Scottish dialect, is to lounge languorously in bed a little (lot) longer than you should.

[Middle Age Riot @middleageriot]

Saying there's no such thing as global warming because it's cold is like saying there's no such thing as the Sun because it's night.

[Amanda Behlman @abehlman]

You think that's bad, my dear, one state in the US wants to criminalize abortion to such an extent it would allow that women who get an abortion could be put to death. https://t.co/yaquXnZtnW

[Aisling Bea @WeeMissBea]

It is a short letter, but it gets to the point fairly fast. The Republic & Britain no longer criminalise women for choice over what happens to their bodies or forces them to stay pregnant, why is Northern Ireland still doing it? #NowForNI @LdnIrishARC

[Jenny Lawson @TheBloggess]

The most baffling thing Amazon recommended today: https://t.co/qjs1LHzP04

[Amanda Behlman @abehlman]

@frankieboyle If we wind up with a tit flash from him, I might vomit.

[Amanda Behlman @abehlman]

More like the first time in decades that the president has been so butt-hurt over a few jokes they had to coddle him into coming to a dinner he should be at regardless.

[Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump]

So-called comedian Michelle Wolf bombed so badly last year at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner that this year, for the first time in decades, they will have an author instead of a comedian. Good first step in comeback of a dying evening and tradition! Maybe I will go?

[Amanda Behlman @abehlman]

@carynsb

[Mental Floss @mental_floss]

11 Facts About French Bulldogs — https://t.co/3LFsx5lc4S

[Middle Age Riot @middleageriot]

Impeaching Donald Trump should be strictly Plan B.

Plan A should be federal agents dragging him kicking and screaming out of the White House in handcuffs before a two hour perp walk down Pennsylvania Avenue in the rain.

[Amanda Behlman @abehlman]

I log on to Twitter for the first time in several months, only to see this shit. Gotta start saving for that move to Britain.

[NPR @NPR]

HB 565, a bill being considered by the Ohio House’s health committee, would allow criminal charges against both doctors and pregnant women seeking abortions.

[Amanda Behlman @abehlman]

@apikka17 @ChaleneJohnson Core de Force fully, but of hers, bits and pieces of Turbo Jam and Turbo Fire and I want to do PiYo. She's so energetic and fun! I love her instructor style.

[Amanda Behlman @abehlman]

Of all the #BeachBody trainers, @ChaleneJohnson is the only one I truly want to be friends with. Her workouts are so much fun and her healthy eating tips seem doable. I just have to learn to follow them better...

[Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome]

Non-hypothetical question: are you insane? https://t.co/BXTNJssIHT

[Amanda Behlman @abehlman]

Not to poke fun at her when it's her husband I dislike, but from these pictures I'm wondering if she knows she can put her arms in those jacket sleeves... https://t.co/0oCSbDw8rU

[Melania Trump 45 Archived @FLOTUS45]

Preparations are underway to celebrate the holidays at the @WhiteHouse!

[Amanda Behlman @abehlman]

I got the same offer but also declined. https://t.co/LKJ6f5u4N2

[Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump]

Time Magazine called to say that I was PROBABLY going to be named “Man (Person) of the Year,” like last year, but I would have to agree to an interview and a major photo shoot. I said probably is no good and took a pass. Thanks anyway!