Abigail🍯

•𝓵𝓮𝓼𝓼 𝓲𝓼 𝓶𝓸𝓻𝓮• unless it’s ranch. Pour that creamy gold up.

[Abigail🍯 @abigail_fruk]

If you actually think I’m going to fundamentally change the way I do something just to change one irrelevant persons ill perception of me... you’d be absolutely correct.

[Abigail🍯 @abigail_fruk]

Forget Proverbs 31, I’m trying to be Jesse’s girl.

[Church Curmudgeon @ChrchCurmudgeon]

The Complementarían Journal is looking for submissions from women.

[Abigail🍯 @abigail_fruk]

“Proficient in Office Applications,” she writes knowing full well it took her over a week to create a phone list in excel.

[Abigail🍯 @abigail_fruk]

I almost bought a pop socket today. I was dissuaded, however, as I gazed into the face of Dave Ramsey. A cold, bitter face characterized by contempt and disappointment. It spat at me with scorn, reminding me of my student debts and inadequacy.

[Abigail🍯 @abigail_fruk]

@johnbcrist A karaoke machine, wasn’t too bad at first pass. Lost its luster, however, when the extended family only got contemporary Christian for kids discs to accompany it.

[Tommy Keene @tommykeene]

The way System Theology and Biblical Studies are supposed to work together.

[Josh RR Jokien @joshcarlosjosh]

"slut era" I whisper to myself as I sit in my ruined mansion wearing my tattered wedding dress, heart filled with bitterness and contempt towards all men

[Josh RR Jokien @joshcarlosjosh]

[youth pastor voice] you know who forgave ALL of EVERYONE'S debt?

[Clint Murphy @IAmClintMurphy]

Microsoft Excel is used by 99.99% of the world’s businesses, and

most people still don't know how to use it.

Here are 10 basics everyone should know:

[Iowa Chill @IowaChill]

Midwest culture is skipping the town firework show for the neighbor who just bought $10k worth of mortars

[Abigail🍯 @abigail_fruk]

Lol

[Abigail🍯 @abigail_fruk]

I really hate that I experience the same amount of excitement now when gas is under $3.00 that I did this time last year when it was under a $1.80.

[Abigail🍯 @abigail_fruk]

Justice Thomas will forever have my heart

[JCN @judicialnetwork]

“Justice Thomas is the one justice in the building that literally knows every employee’s name, every one of them. . . . he is a man who cares deeply about the court as an institution, about the people who work there — about people.” - Justice Sotomayor

[Kermit the Frog @KermitTheFrog]

This little tadpole is clearly a huge frog fan! He’s lucky to have a great teacher like you to inspire him to reach – or maybe hop – for the stars. This is clearly A+ work!

[Elon Musk @elonmusk]

Next I’m buying Coca-Cola to put the cocaine back in

[Noah ✵ @noahdonotcare]

i skip test questions like i’m gonna be a different person when i go back

[Ben Rosen @ben_rosen]

STATLER: say miss piggy’s singing isn’t a half bad

WALDORF: yeah…it’s all bad!

*kermit starts climbing up to the balcony*

[𝗕𝗿𝗲𝗲𝘇𝘆’🦉 @OvOBrezzzy]

Next time gas go under $2 ima put some in the freezer

[Markie Martin @MarkieMartin]

JUST IN: ALL synagogue hostages in Colleyville have been released, alive and safe.

[Abigail🍯 @abigail_fruk]

Following my church’s communist diction prohibiting the free exchange of candy, the renowned candy man has seen to it that every week I get a non-descript bag filled to the brim with contraband consisting of my favorite candies. This is what the of Body of Christ is all about.