hello

Everywhere I go I am ''all there.'' Someone you can trust.

[hello @absolutehey]

have i been "touched by the angels"

[hello @absolutehey]

@iamscrummy_ I would save my black pregnant wife, the only sister I need

[hello @absolutehey]

@S0rcastic don't keep all your monks in a row I've been saying this

[hello @absolutehey]

the stick I typically shake at things has gone missing

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Kristen Stewart is married to film producer Dylan Meyer, and get this.. Dylan's a lady

[hello @absolutehey]

thinking back to when we had to get our zoot suits dry cleaned in secret

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that ain't red

[The Calvin Coolidge Project @TheCalvinCooli1]

🚨New: A perfect Red Heifer has been born in Israel according to the Temple Institute

[hello @absolutehey]

@desmostylia is not permitted for a foxhole

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I have had one dream of my deceased grandmother Jeannie and it was terrifying

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didn't know adults played soccer too

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@jennifersrude I don't exactly approve of your Jumanji ass lifestyle

[hello @absolutehey]

Counting Crows cover band named Covered in Bird Shit

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Japan exclusive sparkling tea flavor called peeled piss

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@reallybadposter this is what I want

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@jennifersrude I love that

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pulling up my pant leg and pulling a turd out from my sock

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@jennifersrude they sorta nailed the banana frosty

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why are big gals picked last in softball? they can't pass seconds!

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hung well that's why you see me hanging at your mom's like Norman Rockwell

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@dazedinheaven who goes where?

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at what age is it ok to start saying racist shit in front of my kids