Emotional Support Wife

Should I stay or should I go

[Matty @bestestname]

15 minutes left: I have plenty of time

12 minutes left: I'm fucked

[Μαρια Κιτρινη @greek_heanen]

''You're not my boss'' I say to my cat. I lie

[Boyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP]

Nothing prepares you for the first time you hear the word fortnight used in an actual conversation.

[meghan @deloisivete]

I'm not saying I hate driving on the highway, I'm just saying I appreciate a good frontage road

[Boyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP]

There’s no such thing as bed time. There, I said it.

[Darla @ddsmidt]

Pulling my treadmill out of the closet after an 11 month vacation, I’m pretty sure I heard it say “not this again.“

[Μαρια Κιτρινη @greek_heanen]

- Have no fear. This isn't my first casserole

[Boyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP]

Ninety percent of being a husband is being able to remember what was said when you were only partially listening…

[meghan @deloisivete]

I took back to school pics of my kids without that little chalkboard thing and three PTA moms fainted in shock, one threw up, two are still screaming

[Kip Conlon @kipconlon]

As an obnoxious windbag, I'm often asked if I will let someone finish their sentence.

[jean @itsallbollocks]

My kid: it’s opposites day
Me: no it isn’t

[Μαρια Κιτρινη @greek_heanen]

Words that you'll never hear me say: ''Oh no, not pizza again''

[Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO]

2,635 consecutive days of turning on the garbage disposal instead of the light over the sink.

[meghan @deloisivete]

So many Coopers in my kid’s class, and yet barrel production remains at an all-time low

[Trey @treydayway]

I'm craving smart conversations of any kind because I swear they just put ignorance all over all forms of media/entertainment

[BadMummy @WineMummy]

Maybe we should eat tacos about it.

[Darla @ddsmidt]

The days go by so fast. Then I started to think oh no, maybe we’re lost in time?

Or maybe I’m watching too many sci-fi series.

[Lori @Cornjerker78]

You’re as cheerful as a serial killer’s storage unit

[Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO]

Tell me again how I unloaded the dishwasher too loudly when you were watching golf. Detectives will want to know exactly how this went down.

[Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO]

The smell of pine resin reminds me of the shipyards, where I spent no time as a child, not having lived near one.