Adam Schell

deep thoughts & deep dish

[Adam Schell @adam_schell]

Hey @BWWings there are no #wings on your @doordash menu. I figured this was more responsible and less(?) embarrassing than a yelp. #defundyelp

[Adam Schell @adam_schell]

Hey @Yelp @YelpOC let’s talk about fake/hateful reviews and how to handle them. Retweet me or DM me.

[Adam Schell @adam_schell]

He’s a 7.5 but puts pineapple on pizza…

[Adam Schell @adam_schell]

Where do we draw the line between a seasoned pan and a dirty pan? Asking for a friend.

[Adam Schell @adam_schell]

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but “please let me know when you’re available for a call” does NOT mean “call me now”, under any circumstances. Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

[Adam Schell @adam_schell]

I have food at home and I don’t want to eat any of it: an autobiography.

[Adam Schell @adam_schell]

@elonmusk Nice

[Adam Schell @adam_schell]

The ease of making an accidental video call is reckless and chaotic. There should be two-factor authentication and a pop-up that says “are you really fucking sure you want to video chat this person right now?”

[Adam Schell @adam_schell]

The CDC says fuck it, let’s order pizza tonight.

[Adam Schell @adam_schell]

When you’re watching someone untangle a cord do you think to yourself “for the love of god just let me do it” or are you normal?

[Adam Schell @adam_schell]

Put on some coffee.
Pick a playlist.
Punch the day on the face.

[Adam Schell @adam_schell]

I’d like
large
pepperoni
marijuana
psilocybin
pizza
to-go, please.

[Adam Schell @adam_schell]

Today is 5/11 but apparently doesn’t exist so we’re just going to call today 6/2.

[Adam Schell @adam_schell]

It’s only emo if it’s from the émotif region of France.

Otherwise it’s just sparkling depression.

[Adam Schell @adam_schell]

I need to shower but I just want to lay here instead: an autobiography.

[Adam Schell @adam_schell]

I just tried to slip on my sandals after I already put on my shoes. So anyways, how is your Monday going?

[Adam Schell @adam_schell]

Literally no one:
Me when I’m bartending: come see ya boyyyyyy

[Adam Schell @adam_schell]

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but stop saying “I’m sorry you feel that way”.

[Adam Schell @adam_schell]

Except I use a jigger.

[Honest Restaurant Manager @phileagle_]

Sometimes, people will ask for their drink to be made with a little “somethin extra”. And in those times I always wink, smile, nod and make it exactly the same way I always do.

[Adam Schell @adam_schell]

My car is at the point that there’s so much shit in it that the idea of cleaning it out is overwhelming and so instead of cleaning it out I just keep piling more shit into it. And if that’s not a metaphor for life then I don’t know what is.