I’m convinced a lot of people don’t actually want a relationship. They want access to someone who loves them, validates them, and makes their life easier… without having to actually show up, communicate, or be accountable.
Tolerating always turns to resentment. At first, you call it patience, then love. But what it really is, is self-abandonment. Every time you swallow a boundary, excuse a pattern, or silence your discomfort, something inside you keeps score.
And eventually, the bill comes due.
I think the purest form of love is just wanting someone to experience life with you. "taste this. look at that. listen to this song." over and over. until you can't imagine experiencing life without them.
You assume people will act fairly if you act fairly. They won’t. People act in alignment with their incentives, not your expectations. If the structure rewards selfishness, selfishness appears.