The Divorcee Diaries

Look for the last few years my life has been crazy shitty. but also crazy hilarious and fun. and I thought maybe I should share it all. and remember it. 🍸

[The Divorcee Diaries @adivorceediary]

@pulte I’ve been furloughed on all 3 of my jobs & I’m a chronically ill single mom of 1 little boy. I also totaled my car a week before furlough. I’m trying to do my part & find work from home but with no income a& no savings, I’m scared. You’re doing amazing things. Thank you $NikBaxx

[The Divorcee Diaries @adivorceediary]

@CityofTampa @JaneCastor @TampaPD @AlertTampa @TampaFireRescue @10NewsWTSP @WFLA @abcactionnews @BN9 @FOX13News @Telemundo49 I support this as an intelligent person to avoid to spread. But what are we doing for all the people who WORK in those industries and rely solely on that income and tips with no PTO to pay bills?? We can’t work from home #COVID19 #hospitalityindustry

[The Divorcee Diaries @adivorceediary]

How did we get divorced & a month later my straight laced ex husband met the (younger) love of his life on @Tinder and she’s amazing?!? Karma, you’re doing it wrong. 🙄😂 #theRealEXHousewivesofSouthTampa #divorced #divorceediaries #unfair #poutyface #single

[The Divorcee Diaries @adivorceediary]

Me “ok @alexa99 play white noise volume 7 *mutters to self^ keep the kid asleep” 30 minutes later “Alexa volume 10. Alexa. Alexa. ALEXAAAAAAA” kid: mommy? #somuchforwhitenoise #imtheworst 😂

[caitie delaney @caitiedelaney]

If I die in a mass shooting I give you full permission to take my body, stuff it in a cannon, aim it at Mitch McConnell’s office and send my lifeless corpse sailing right through that motherfucker’s window

[The Divorcee Diaries @adivorceediary]

Me: what are the odds he brings the girlfriend to E’s graduation this week? Even though he knows how I feel about family events. S: the limit does not exist. #coparenting #vpk #tampa #divorceediaries #theRealEXHousewivesofTampaBay

[The Divorcee Diaries @adivorceediary]

Because at the end of the day I’m just a grown up girl trying to get back to the beach. #divorcee #divorceediaries #Sarasota #therealexhousewivesofsouthtampa

[The Divorcee Diaries @adivorceediary]

Some im e you need a random night out to remember why you love your hometown. I’m in a bar on a Sunday at midnight with 20-30year olds wearing unbuttoned shirts and shorts with flamingos on them while we sing Avril Lavigne as a whole #Sarasota #srq #raffurtys

[The Divorcee Diaries @adivorceediary]

When you’re sitting at dinner in Sarasota after rooftop drinks and think “really someone should film this shit. It is hilarious.” #therealEXhousewivesofSouthTampa #SarasotaWives #SRQPrincessSquad

[The Divorcee Diaries @adivorceediary]

I do love driving past my old house every day multiple times. Where I came home from our wedding. Brought our son home and began raising him. I just don’t get how that just stops mattering. #divorce #tampadivorcee #divorceediaries

[The Divorcee Diaries @adivorceediary]

Oh hey you know what’s super fun when your lithium prescription ran out due to doctor error and then your car broke down due to mechanical issues. And then your dad is dying....

[The Divorcee Diaries @adivorceediary]

I walked into the party where Kids birthday is set to be. And see 2 other parties and a 50th anniversary college festival. There is one picnic table available. It is now mine. My sister called and asked what I was going to do. I replied “become the stuff legends are made of” #tpa

[The Divorcee Diaries @adivorceediary]

Car disaster today. It overheard as I get to the doctor where I’ll be for 4 hours. I call Geico roadside and have it towed planning to Uber to the dealership for my rental after the dr. Only to learn it didn’t make it to the dealership... #tampa #singlemom #nissan

[The Divorcee Diaries @adivorceediary]

When do I stop thinking of myself as his wife? It’s not even a love thing. Just a ...we did this. We said the words. You don’t just keep doing it over and over

[The Divorcee Diaries @adivorceediary]

2 years ago today. Which was Easter. My husband sat down and said he didn’t think it was working and wanted a divorce. Today, it’s supposed to be finalized. I’m not where I wanted to be at 31 but I’m on my way.. #mymantratoday #divorce #divorceediaries

[The Divorcee Diaries @adivorceediary]

Frozen playing while I cook. Anna; can I say something crazy? Hans: I love crazy! Me, under my breath: that’s what they all say at first... #disney #therealexhousewivesofsouthtampa #reallifedisneyprincess

[The Divorcee Diaries @adivorceediary]

Parenting class teacher: ok well obviously your co parent knows how to push your buttons better than anyone. What’s one thing you do that immediately infuriates them? Me: besides having my own face? #seriously #divorce #exwife

[The Divorcee Diaries @adivorceediary]

I feel like the 4 hour parenting class really should be required before a child is born. Not when he’s 5 as part of a legal requirement to get divorced. Maybe a co parenting class but...#imatahighschool #ateenagertoldmeiwaspretty #divorceediaries #therealexhousewivesofSouthTampa

[The Divorcee Diaries @adivorceediary]

When you have an auto immune disease the lengths to which you’ll go to not get sick are sometimes hilarious. Including wearing a mask in everyday situations and laying here with hydrogen peroxide in my ears. Like some sort of science project volcano. 😷 #autoimmune #spoonie

[The Divorcee Diaries @adivorceediary]

Me: are obi wan and qui gon coming to rescue Padme?
Kid (5): no mommy. Padme saves herself. They just bring the ship to go home. Duh. #raisingboys #futurefeminist #liberal #thequeensavesherowndamnself #boymom #2020