Andrew Mueller

All gas. No brakes.

[Andrew Mueller @afmueller]

Where did the PCA haters go?

[Andrew Mueller @afmueller]

@MLB And the ump absolutely blowing the call. Just perfect

[Andrew Mueller @afmueller]

@BrandiKruse @CHSommers Yea we’ll just tax the people who can’t afford to leave

[Andrew Mueller @afmueller]

@SchmittNYC In terms of World War II, which battle would this be?

[Andrew Mueller @afmueller]

@PHLY_Eagles Over/under on days till his first arrest?

[Andrew Mueller @afmueller]

@RNCResearch @GOP Believe all women has fully disappeared

[Andrew Mueller @afmueller]

@WallStreetApes Send more

[Andrew Mueller @afmueller]

@Dannyjokes Someone had to be left holding the bag.

[Andrew Mueller @afmueller]

@MikeVonsteuben But also, we are untouchable gods of war.

[M2 @Amer1can_Barbie]

😎🇺🇸

[Andrew Mueller @afmueller]

@LegionHoops Chest pass?

[Andrew Mueller @afmueller]

@apeelsciences Hell no

[Andrew Mueller @afmueller]

@varrock “Wake up at 9am to go to work”

[Andrew Mueller @afmueller]

@CollinRugg Just wait, we’re eventually gonna find out that someway somehow the U.S. tax payer was footing this bill.

[Andrew Mueller @afmueller]

@KSTP Holy shit, sign me up. 1 year in prison 250 mil.

[Sgt Blackout 🫡 @coldcallsniper]

Easy way to have sex with a 10 without spending any money:

Step 1: Post on Hinge that you need a date for the game and that the tickets are courtside seats.

Step 2: Take out a personal loan, leverage your organs as collateral, and buy the tickets ($4,200).

Step 3: Tell her to wear something tight and pick her up in a Porsche (if you don’t have a Porsche, rent one).

Step 4: When you get to the game, ask what she wants to drink and say “be right back.” Go to the bathroom and put $4,200 on red on your phone. If it loses, double down. If that loses, triple down. If that loses, don’t panic—follow Step 5.

Step 5: Go back to the seats and tell her that the bar at the stadium doesn’t accept Bitcoin. Ask her if you can use her Amex. She will be impressed, say yes, and hand you her wallet. Then use her Amex to quadruple down, and if needed, quintuple down. There’s no way you can lose five times in a row, right?

Then go back to the seats and say, “You’re not going to believe this, but someone tried to steal your wallet. I chased him down, but he got away.” Act very sorry and sad. She will believe you, admire you for trying, and be happy to go home with you.

[Andrew Mueller @afmueller]

@nypost

[Andrew Mueller @afmueller]

@SportsCenter @JeffPassan

[Andrew Mueller @afmueller]

@JasonTalksYanks Literally everybody is acknowledging this throw. It was incredible.

[Andrew Mueller @afmueller]

@heatherellaxo lol