adam

[adam @ajinoc]

Ready for takeoff with @flyjsx. Maisie is all set for her next adventure 🐾✈️

[Matt @scriptumsent]

Nathan Fielder descending through Dante’s inferno going “oh ok” to everyone’s stories

[Cuddlez (33.3%)🍟 @Mr_Cuddlez88]

It’s called soccer now and there’s nothing you can do about it.

[Omniscient Orb of Antlers @OmniscientOf]

renting and returning ten books a day from my local library while subtlety increasing the size of my cranium with latex and makeup until they say something

[k @KungFukKen432]

Sit my white ass down and listen

[B. @ArtLesb0]

“here’s your flour in the worst possible container. fuck you.”

-flour companies

[Ryan Nixon @NewYorkNixon]

My mates and I are having the STUPIDEST debate...

And I am here for it.

Do you think there are more doors or wheels in the world?

[rachel coster @rcosterr]

Corn hole is a fun game for people who have nothing left

[Alex McMillan @UndeniablyAlex]

Yankee Candle's Stages of Abstraction

Level 1: The scent represents a physical object where the object's aroma is one of its distinct properties.

[xanax in cinnabon (ali) @xanabon]

you want me to go to a meeting? the thing that killed Julius Caesar?

[xanax in cinnabon (ali) @xanabon]

I’m all for letting people enjoy things, unless that thing is that hobby where you make your car louder

[Kevan @hitmonloo]

I'm so bad at talking to someone about their job. The conversation will go like this:
Them: I'm a sanitation worker.
Me: Oh awesome! So, do you like trash?

[Luke Mones @LukeMones]

billion dollar idea: a bar, but you can hear the people you're with

[Kyle 🌱 @KylePlantEmoji]

Dentist: have any weekend plans?

Me: ash kskaahl kajslalsk

Dentist: oh my gosh, forgive me *slips ventriloquist dummy onto my hand*

Mr Grumbly: we were thinking of heading up to the cabin actually

[bobby @bobby]

the new old man opinion i've decided to have is that car headlights are too bright now. i'm gonna write to a congressman or something.

[nader dabit @dabit3]

75% of programming is saying “what the fuck” to yourself and sometimes to your computer

[Spac𝑒 @sadcrib]

give me this shape on Squid Game and i’m NOT losing