big al

a real piece of work in progress

[big al @alexsera]

They really need to make a car with the gas nozzle on both sides. I’m a terrible driver and normally it’s fine but it’s not safe for any of us when I have to do this kind of maneuvering next to these massive gas tanks at a busy gas station. Send help @Ford

[big al @alexsera]

If you’re gonna be a prick, at least have some balls

[big al @alexsera]

I wish @KivaConfections would make gummies without thc that I could eat after I have one of their gummies with thc

[big al @alexsera]

Why would you make an airport bathroom stall too small to fit a person + luggage in??? WHY?

[big al @alexsera]

If we can rename PCOS for medical accuracy, I would like to formally petition the powers that be to rename the menstrual cycle after childbirth from a period to an exclamation park.

[big al @alexsera]

If you come at me with some hair wax after I paid good money for a blowout, we are gonna have words and I’m never gonna be able to trust in your skill set again.

[big al @alexsera]

I wish they had bacon at @sweetgreen

[big al @alexsera]

I had a hot take for you guys but then I got distracted so now it’s gone forever sorry

[big al @alexsera]

If you’re gonna commit to being a fake blonde I’m gonna need you to COMMIT okay

[big al @alexsera]

Just tried to relate to my uber driver and failed. This will of course be my last ride.

[big al @alexsera]

Stop getting veneers if you don’t need them. You all look crazy.

[big al @alexsera]

Who are all the Cubans in Miami gonna root for now??? The university of Miami or the actual Cuban quarterback.

[big al @alexsera]

I accidentally went out in public with a pimple sticker on my face and now I have to kill myself

[big al @alexsera]

I love when my baby’s congested because then I can always tell that he is in fact still breathing

[big al @alexsera]

If I was a celebrity I would unfortunately have to avoid the Jennifer Hudson soul train line because I can’t think of anything that would expose my lack of talent faster.

[big al @alexsera]

If I am not blessed enough to receive one of those bougie pears deliveries this holiday season, I don’t see the point in celebrating.

[big al @alexsera]

I’ve actually never been friends with someone that would take it upon themselves to host a Friendsgiving.

[big al @alexsera]

It should be illegal for hotel rooms to have barn doors on the bathroom

[big al @alexsera]

Putting ribbons on crystal glasses is idiotic. In addition to being ugly at its core, it will look even worse when the condensation hits. It will also cause drinks to fall in a chaotic storm of lengthy fabric. It’s like the people of Instagram have never been out in the world.

[big al @alexsera]

Just now realizing that it’s weird I learned how to contour my cleavage a solid 15 years before learning how to contour my face properly.