Alexandrea

[nickszynski @_DZNSKI]

Let’s just sit in this Pizza Hut together

[Bess Kalb @bessbell]

One issue I have with the recipe I am making is I am not nearly as good a cook as the recipe presumes. Finely mince the garlic? My beautiful angel, we’re lucky it doesn’t have the peel attached. Soak the onions in water first? I’m not dirtying a bowl and this is not an onion spa.

[it’s just meera @meeracleshappen]

every day I wake up and say “I’m tired of this grandpa” and every day the universe says “that’s too damn bad”

[KerryHowley @KerryHowley]

A student just signed off an email “thank you for being loving but still scary” and this is the only evaluation I will be submitting for tenure

[Alexandrea @alexxduszynski]

@bongzbbq @nsfpabs @as_a_vegetarian Nah, I just stop scheduling you. Looks like I all of a sudden have plenty of labor sorry. "Don't want to fire you though, you're a good person "---now I'm not paying unemployment for your "career " moves

[Alexandrea @alexxduszynski]

@hitRECordJoe Wings

[Alyssa Limperis @alyssalimp]

11:00am - anything is possible
2:00pm - but not today

[Alyssa Limperis @alyssalimp]

whyyyyy is it that at 11am the whole day is ahead of you at 2pm the whole day is behind you why

[Megan Anderson @MeganAnderson]

I guess MMA is a line of work where you can publicly talk about whether you'd have sex with a coworker in an utterly degrading way and face zero consequences.

Disgusting behavior and it's unfortunate that he'll be fighting on my card in March.

[Alexandrea @alexxduszynski]

Me even though I'm 30 and married 🤷‍♀️

[Alexandrea @alexxduszynski]

@_Duszynski Same

[Alyssa Limperis @alyssalimp]

“I literalllllly do not care” -me caring with every fiber of my being

[Mom Jeans @momjeansplease]

I couldn’t decide if I wanted bangs or not so I cut bangs for my daughter and she looks awful. Dodged a bullet there.

[Alexandrea @alexxduszynski]

Please, anything but jean skirts

[Alexandrea @alexxduszynski]

@downbadpatrol Should've locked the doors and turned off the lights

[Jen Statsky @jenstatsky]

when you are 34 you are actually 27 but the second you turn 35 you are 50. i learned this too late but it’s not too late for me to warn you.

[Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien]

Every time the sun goes down at 4:30PM, I feel like it's mad at us.

[nickszynski @_DZNSKI]

How are you not gunna talk about I love you Philip Morris when bringing up Jim Carey tho?

[Theo Von @TheoVon]

Shout out to everybodys first step dad. What was his name? Where is he now? #sayhisname