ali

i used to be funny …

[ali @aliehepp]

if john mateer has 1000 haters, i am one of them. if he has a single hater, its me. if he has no haters, i am dead.

[ali @aliehepp]

you know now that i think about it, yeah joe biden was president the last time i got my oil changed

[ali @aliehepp]

sometimes i leave the office for lunch just to remind myself i have free will

[ali @aliehepp]

beauty fades … return on dividends is forever

[ali @aliehepp]

it’s not lost on me that there is a small chance that taylor swift and i get married on the same exact day

[ali @aliehepp]

now more than ever the american economy needs me to buy my little treats

[ali @aliehepp]

tariff this, Putin !

[ali @aliehepp]

i’m just out here dancing on business

[ali @aliehepp]

i got another bloody nose today
you know what that means …

[ali @aliehepp]

my fortnite dances are unmatched in the dance circle

[ali @aliehepp]

people are so worried about hoses these days

[ali @aliehepp]

alright kendrick please go after ed sheeran now

[ali @aliehepp]

i don’t think we can rule out that travis wasn’t a ghost writer on “so high school”

[ali @aliehepp]

born to dance to the tortured poets department playing at full volume in my room
forced to listen to the tortured poets department at an appropriate volume in my headphones at work

[ali @aliehepp]

@dani_f_johnson it’s good for the economy

[ali @aliehepp]

if i’m going to work for free on the weekend i expect the heat to be on in the building

[ali @aliehepp]

@AnnaHepp thank you 😌

[ali @aliehepp]

“ohhh my mom won’t like that”
instant ick

[ali @aliehepp]

why go into a major depressive episode when you can just work 80 hours a week

[ali @aliehepp]

did y’all know roly-polys can butt chug ?