Alli

I'm pretty awesome... Just sayin'!

[Alli @alli_win]

My nickname is "Gillette" because I'm the best a man can get.

Also, I will cut you.

[jefe @jeff_crisanti]

if white claw doesn’t make a peppermint flavored holiday seltzer and call it santa claws i will riot

[Alli @alli_win]

@SB_NYAlicia @mkearley2008 @RexChapman @EricShawnTV We are aware that Tucker et al. are stating opinions. We found out just how “unbiased” FN was on election night. They’re on par with the rest of the MSM regarding bias.

[Alli @alli_win]

@RyanSublett1 @AdrianNormanDC Voter ID wouldn’t fix discrepancies? Hmmm..... Voter ID should be required.

[Sam Kovzan @skovzan]

Cities with championships in 3 of the 5 major American pro sports leagues (@NFL, @NBA, @MLS, @MLB, @NHL) since 2013...

KANSAS CITY

That's it. That's the list.

2013 - @SportingKC
2015 - @Royals
Tonight - @Chiefs

[The Cookie Expert @JeffAllen71]

After tonight Pat Mahomes will have accomplished

-5,000+yards/50 TD’s in a single season
- League MVP
- Hosted 2 home AFC championship games
-Won a SB and SB MVP

All In his first 3 years!!

We’ve never seen anything like this

[Nick Jacobs @Jacobs71]

Patrick Mahomes at 24 years and 138 days is the youngest player to win both an NFL MVP award and a Super Bowl championship, surpassing Hall of Famer EMMITT SMITH (24 years, 233 days old on the last day of his MVP 1993 season).

[Kansas City Chiefs @Chiefs]

WE DID IT!!!!

[Matt Oswalt @MattOswaltVA]

Tom Petty died twice in one day because he's fucking Tom Petty

[kauaibride @Kauaibride]

sometimes you just get lucky. when that happens, appreciate it like crazy.

[LeahJM @LeahJM]

What's worse than a guy over 30 with a ponytail? NOTHING. That's what.

[Ahad OC @semple42]

*puts box of wine in picnic basket

Let's do this.

[Sandra @Sanbel11]

If you still have eyebrows after washing your face, we can be friends.

[bubble girl @JessObsess]

Being a woman is exciting because we don't know what mood we will be in next or for how long.

[David Hughes @david8hughes]

[narrating a documentary on civil war]
Me: this is pretty fucken uncivil

[Serena Scobey @ScobeyWanKenobi]

The best part about being thirty is that I'm finally old enough to play a high schooler in movies.