Ally Machala

In perpetual crisis mode—would always appreciate cookies.

[Ally Machala @allymachala]

They called the Iowa gubernatorial race in favor of Kim Reynolds at 13% reporting even though, at the time, Deidre DeJear had the lead. Y'all want to be oppressed so bad. 🙄

[Disseminator @JenRubinsGhost]

@DanODonnellShow I dont blame him. They were calling Dem races way ahead of time, but the R's get to sit and wait.

Hell, they called Pritzker in IL with no votes counted.

[Ally Machala @allymachala]

Devastated to report that after forcing myself to go to the gym even though I didn’t want to, I feel great and I’m glad I went 🥲🥲🥲

[Ally Machala @allymachala]

@AvedaVice @HEAorBust Of course! 🥳😘 And thank you — I have great inspiration!!! (I was excited to incorporate the paint 😈)

[Ally Machala @allymachala]

@cali_otting Thank you 🤗 Lots of love 💚💚💚

[Ally Machala @allymachala]

So I’m very rarely twittering on this account but for my 242 loyal (probably aren’t aware I’m still on Twitter) followers—whom I know have been waiting for new content from me with baited breath—a quick queer update. 💗💜💙

[Daddy Flint Stan Account | Ally Reads HEAs @HEAorBust]

So a couple of months ago my bff @talyaelaine turned to me & said "So do you still think you're straight?" and I was like *excuse-moi???* Then "...I don't know."

For a long time I considered myself straight but believed if I happened to fall in love with a woman then 🤷🏻‍♀️ (1/2)

[Ally Machala @allymachala]

@_aim10 Thank you dear! 💖🥰💖

[Ally Machala @allymachala]

Just turned my 5am alarm back on 🙃

[Ally Machala @allymachala]

Literally no one wants to be fooled today cut it out with that shit.

[Ally Machala @allymachala]

Whaddup hoes I'm getting shot up today.

[Ally Machala @allymachala]

@macdaddysnydes

[Ally Machala @allymachala]

There’s an owl aggressively hooting right outside my window right now, so if I die tonight you know who did it...

...fuckin’ owls.

[Ally Machala @allymachala]

Lol guess it’s a good thing I never bothered to update my bio. In crisis mode again. Would still appreciate cookies. ✌🏻

[Ally Machala @allymachala]

@_aim10 I ❤️ not being able to stay asleep 🤗🤗🤗

[Ally Machala @allymachala]

I'm seeing a lot of sea shanty love and very little (none) Pirates Who Don't Do Anything representation. This is vegetable sailors erasure.

[Ally Machala @allymachala]

ONE HAND! #BearDown

[Ally Machala @allymachala]

“Steve Bannon has been arrested-” *nods* okay makes sense

“-by the postal service”
I-

[Ally Machala @allymachala]

A one-two punch - first Patriot Act now Drunk History. I swear to god, if anyone TOUCHES @TheDailyShow....

[Ally Machala @allymachala]

@Sharpay_14 Precisely. Like my dude has probably another $2500 he’s making, he can afford it lol

[Ally Machala @allymachala]

Okay seriously who makes these? What 25 year old is making 100K (because fuck you)? Where can you get internet for $20? I need the answers.

[CNBC @CNBC]

The budget breakdown of a 25-year-old who makes $100,000 a year and is excellent with money. via @CNBCMakeIt https://t.co/GLRCp1rfey

[Ally Machala @allymachala]

@katmachala Maybe if we ask nicely