Paper Hands, GP

Former L/S slave.
"Charlatan Investor".
Tweets are dumb and not investment advice.

[Paper Hands, GP @alpha_q_capital]

Don't need a girlfriend when the markets fuck you everyday.

[Paper Hands, GP @alpha_q_capital]

$NKE is a dumpster fire so ofc it goes up

[𝚟𝚒𝚎 ⟢ @viemccoy]

I got an e-ink phone and it has caused me to begin theorizing

[Turning Point Market Research @TPMRSignals]

There have been numerous comparisons to the late 1990s, particularly the analogy between the LTCM low in 1998 and the “Liberation Day” trough in 2025. The table below compares these two periods.

Could this rally extend further?

[Paper Hands, GP @alpha_q_capital]

Looks like everyone got ZS wrong running up into earnings - including me

[Paper Hands, GP @alpha_q_capital]

Daniel back at it again with the hot takes

[RiverRoadPartners @partners_road]

@FiscalDaddy That’s funny. Here’s what funny too - each one of those students will, upon graduation, make more in their first 2 years of employment than you’ll probably make in your lifetime.

[BuccoCapital Bloke @buccocapital]

Very long-winded way of saying “the business is fine but vibes are off and there’s no catalyst to unfuck the vibes that we can see”

Lots and lots of businesses trading like that these days

[keniafcb @Ratioxdelratiox]

Mi madre: hijo tienes 35 años y no me has traído aún ninguna chica a casa, estas bien?

“Los gustos de su hijo”

[BuccoCapital Bloke @buccocapital]

“The Market” is just a guy staring a two screens. One has Truth Social. The other is Anthropic's blog

In front of him are 5 buttons that say: Software, Semis, European Defense, Energy, and Gold.

Trump or Anthropic post and he hits a button to make those stocks move +5% or -5%

[Paper Hands, GP @alpha_q_capital]

@HF_Trader @KrisAbdelmessih How do you feel about the phrase "Slap that ask"

[naiive @naiivememe]

stop loss explained

[Blueprintsmb @blueprintsmb22]

Apparently a big market neutral consumer book got tapped last Friday which means this is literally like single every year in market neutral

[Paper Hands, GP @alpha_q_capital]

@Andre_AGTC Same trade for Mar 105c, fund probably rolled to Apr 105c

[Paper Hands, GP @alpha_q_capital]

Someone run the analysis on BBG termnals/AUM ratio & then tell me how and why tf you need 6 to run a Substack fund

[Paper Hands, GP @alpha_q_capital]

@ecommerceshares @zerohedge financial shenanigans make the world go round

[Paper Hands, GP @alpha_q_capital]

Claude might be the closest thing to AGI since ChatGPT 4.0
Feels like they might even have AGI with amount of press releases and targeted marketing campaigns
It feels truly over for GrowMo type names
Everything positive is baked in and results come in without 10% beats across the board

[Paper Hands, GP @alpha_q_capital]

Send the $VIX to 30 and just put me out of my misery, baby.

[Paper Hands, GP @alpha_q_capital]

Everyone in NYC needs to get back to the office and save this market

[Paper Hands, GP @alpha_q_capital]

SOMEONE START POSTING HOW ANTHROPIC USES FUCKING $NET AND $PANW

WTF ARE THE ALGOS DOING BRUH

[Paper Hands, GP @alpha_q_capital]

@ContrarianCurse Fast move 10% down across Vulnerability Management sector $TENB $RPD $QLYS