alyssa

wife + mom

[alyssa @alyssamhoffman1]

my heart

[Debbie Downer @ANGELBABYBITTY]

should i turn 28 be honest

[Amy Nixon @texasrunnerDFW]

We need to put Usha in charge of Federal Spending

I doubt a single member of Congress uses an Old Navy Coupon Code

[Papii🥤 @ammalusty]

I won't make a $300 purchase with $25 shipping but I will make a $325 purchase with free shipping. It's called being financially responsible.

[ugh @ughfinewhatever]

say what you want about carrie bradshaw but she never would’ve spent this much time on her phone

[Jack @jackunheard]

Greatest upgrade in the history of upgrades.

[shay @melancholygir1]

you forget that they used to act their asses off on teen dramas back then. the girls can’t do this these days and that’s the problem

[No filter Skin @NoFilterSkin]

You cannot:

​Work full time, raise children, keep a spotless home, show up fully in your marriage, maintain friendships, stay fit, build wealth, read books, pursue hobbies, serve only home cooked meals, answer every email, and still make the 3:30 school pickup.

​That standard was created to keep you exhausted and blaming yourself. Let it go.

[Julie :) @julieheglund]

There are people who get pregnant while smoking crystal meth I think you’ll be okay if you use a little Dove..

[princessface @mainslayrrr]

carrie bradshaw’s worst hairstyle was that curly bob in season 5… i hateddd it

[Just T @Floridagirl0850]

What your wife really wants for Mother's Day is a giant dumpster so she can rage clean and throw away everything that overstimulates her.

[chase @_chase_____]

instead of meal prepping on sundays, have u considered taking an impromptu and cost ineffective trip to the grocery store every single day of the week?

[𝕊𝕒𝕞𝕞𝕪 @FromN5_]

my biggest problem is that I always have something to buy

[bri @bribrisimps]

i’m obsessed with her brain i hope she donates it to science

[ana⁴⁴ @anapau_villa]

Feliz día de la Met Gala a todos los que celebran.

[Hannah @dumbandfunn]

I’m ready to see Met Gala looks!!!!!!!

[jamexx ✩ @hrstnvrgrwngp]

9 year old me when avril lavigne said
"hell yeah i'm the motherfucking princess"

[kida @kidasnow]

looking at my bank statement after treating apple pay like a wand

[2000s @PopCulture2000s]

‘13 going on 30’ was released 22 years ago today