Amber Beard

Liver of life, drinker of wine. Freelance writer, copywriter, blogger, enthusiastic cook and mediocre veg grower.

[Anon Opin. @anon_opin]

Homegrown tomatoes taste great and are ideal for people who want to eat five hundred of them in a week in early September and none at all for the rest of the year.

[Former Dr. Rejoiner, #No2SelfID,💙 @VinaigretteGirl]

“Men, for 58 years: football's coming home, it's coming home

Women: oh for god's sake I'll get it myself”

[Colin the Dachshund @DachshundColin]

"During a company event at a Colplay concert I offered my head of HR a Murray Mint which she accepted. Whilst singing along to Yellow she accidentally swallowed the mint, and I was forced to perform the Heimlich maneuver just as the Jumbotron camera focused on us."

[Neil Drysdale @NeilDrysdale]

If somebody isn’t working on a book about a troubled individual travelling throughout Scotland on a whisky trek - called “The Malt Path” - then an author and a publisher are missing a trick!

[Paul Bronks @SlenderSherbet]

"Nah, this is fucked, mate"

[Laura Elliott @TinyWriterLaura]

the lesser-spotted surveillance cat has been activated

[Bob Golen @BobGolen]

My 15 minutes of fame must have happened while I was asleep.

[Amber Beard @amberiow]

@IMcMillan Oh. If only you’d taken a picture. I could have authenticated it. 😀

[Fiona Small @FionaSmall]

One of the greatest brand name mistakes was the Irish airline carrier being called Aer Lingus when Éireplane was right there

[Daniel Sugarman @Daniel_Sugarman]

A humble, unassuming individual with Peruvian roots who has worn a red hat up until now, you say?

[Tashy McTashface @TashP351]

Every year this comes up on my Facebook memories, and every year I have to share it.

Because it’s quite simply the best thing you will ever read.

[Prof. Devi Sridhar @devisridhar]

Two things it’s easy to take for granted: a loving, supportive family & to be pain-free & healthy.

[Tom Sharpe @TomSharpe134]

Best one?

[Amber Beard @amberiow]

@daraobriain That’s a pity - we used to go as kids for tea and sticky buns

[Joe G @EastEndJoe]

“What about the orange clown your majesty?”
King Charles- Make it look like an accident.

[John Donoghue @JohnDonoghue64]

At last…

[Jay Rayner @jayrayner1]

I have three reviews to go for the Obs but today, after 180 of them, is my last column for OFM. So I thought I’d summarise my searing advice from the last 15 years: the wisdom, the provocations and the stupidities. Enjoy. Or grind your teeth. Your call.
https://t.co/Q0BgHBdETw

[steve @bagshaw2112]

Bloody hell 😝😝😝😝😝

[Sarah @idlewildgirl]

Listed some trousers on Vinted as punk rock style and someone called Sheena has bought them