Andrew MacLachlan

Comedian. An assortment of eyes, limbs, and hairy parts that will occasionally spout interesting or funny thoughts.

[Andrew MacLachlan @AndrewMaclac]

A manager of mine revealed he thought for years FYI meant Fuck You Idiot.
I'm just imagining so many work emails like, "Fuck You Idiot we're not meeting projections" and my manager letting it slide like ok I deserve that 😔

[Andrew MacLachlan @AndrewMaclac]

@ATRightMovies @randeenoodle I feel like you'd want to see this

[Andrew MacLachlan @AndrewMaclac]

Give him a break. He got in one little fight and his mom got scared.

[Sam Morril @sammorril]

Jussie Smollett is saying Will Smith hit him too

[Andrew MacLachlan @AndrewMaclac]

A rhino is just a tank build for a horse class

[Andrew MacLachlan @AndrewMaclac]

Picard drinking tea 3 hours later because he forgot it:
'Tea. Earl Grey. Room temp.'

[Andrew MacLachlan @AndrewMaclac]

Oat Milk Hotel

[Andrew MacLachlan @AndrewMaclac]

@pamychoi Ive been to a restaurant or two like that with lobster and crab. It'll be weird when we're driving our own homegrown crabs to The Keg

[Andrew MacLachlan @AndrewMaclac]

2012: bring your own travel mug for coffee
2022: bring your own bag for store items
2032: bring your own ingredients and the cook will make it in the back

[Andrew MacLachlan @AndrewMaclac]

Million dollar idea: butt plug whistle so when you fart it makes a silly noise

[Andrew MacLachlan @AndrewMaclac]

I feel like every single person figured out the Wordle strategy in the last week is NOT to progressively build and add green letters but to guess new letters every time.

[Andrew MacLachlan @AndrewMaclac]

A captain always goes down on his ship 🚢👁👅👁💦

[Andrew MacLachlan @AndrewMaclac]

Taking an anti-money laundering course for work and one of the red flags is literally just 'dirty or smelly money' like criminals have to keep cash in their compost bins in order to do crime.

[🫂 Shane McLean 🫂 @ShaneMcLeanLLC]

What's everyones favourite playground in Toronto? Mine is

[Andrew MacLachlan @AndrewMaclac]

@andykallstrom Ouch

[Andrew MacLachlan @AndrewMaclac]

The kids are asleep, there's nothing to watch, the chores are all done... Finally time to have that argument we've been meaning to have!

[Andrew MacLachlan @AndrewMaclac]

@kitchenwitchin Ah ok it wasn't quite the stretch I thought it might be.

[Andrew MacLachlan @AndrewMaclac]

Eveyone is like, wow gas is soooo expensive right now. Then they pay $24 food delivery for a meal they could make at home for $3.75

[Andrew MacLachlan @AndrewMaclac]

@AliciaATobin @TransLink That's almost better than when the mandate was still in place!