Andrew Stone

aspiring etcha sketch pianist dm me for bookings

[Andrew Stone @andybillstone]

iCloud: full

Dropbox: full

DM’s: open

[Brown Butter Evangelist 🍉 @krysilove]

I'm sorry, but the way the nephew is walking like he is on his way to a battle that was already won is so funny

[abby govindan @abbygov]

my job is just… Scroll

[Jamie Henn @jamieclimate]

I’d rather ExxonMobil build up tolerance to lower profits.

[No Context Brits @NoContextBrits]

Guess it’s not good news…

[the thicc husband & father @lukeisamazing]

wyd if you’re on a date with this girl and legendary podracer Sebulba calls you?

[Fuck You I Quit @fuckyouiquit]

Existing part-time workers at UPS who earn as little as $15.50 an hour to start will be raised up to $21 per hour immediately.

Unions WORK!

[Keegan Osinski 🏳️‍🌈 @keegzzz]

“What the fuck is up, Denny’s” is a gender-neutral group greeting

[Vaush 📺 @VaushV]

Me getting ready to continue using Twitter’s biological name and pronouns

[Southern Dan @StolenDans]

oppenheimer: i am become death
destroyer of

beastie boys, in unison: WORLDS

[☀️👀 @zei_squirrel]

irony is dead

[Connor Franta @connorfranta]

just like my sister "forced" me to watch America's Next Top Model when i was younger

[Tristan Snell @TristanSnell]

Uvalde is a small town.
Edmond is a small town.
Blacksburg is a small town.
Sandy Hook is a small town.
Sutherland Springs is a small town.

And in those towns, real bad guys showed up, and no good guys magically took them down.

[NYTPitchbot @DougJBalloon]

We were watching "Oppenheimer" in the theater when my four-year-old turned to me gravely and whispered "Daddy how come the US doesn't drop nuclear bombs on other countries anymore?" And when I told him "Because we've become too woke to be true warriors", he started crying.

[Film The Police LA @FilmThePoliceLA]

It’s a $500 fine for not cleaning up after your dog.