Little Baby Idiot

Best table manners in the game 🐴 🤠 Comedian.
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[Little Baby Idiot @andywattscomedy]

Me staring at £20,000 in cash: Man, I can't believe this is my last one of these

[Little Baby Idiot @andywattscomedy]

Smells can connect you in a powerful way to memories. Like recently I smelled unscented soap and it gave me amnesia.

[Little Baby Idiot @andywattscomedy]

Smells can connect you in a powerful way to memories. Like recently I smelled unscented soap and it gave me amnesia.

[Little Baby Idiot @andywattscomedy]

Hey man, you better be sat down for what I'm about to tell you. Someone robbed all the chairs in our house.

[Little Baby Idiot @andywattscomedy]

With me, what you see is what you get! And what you see is ambiguous, mysterious, unknowable

[NFR Podcast @nfr_podcast]

KENDRICK LAMAR NOT LIKE US RECORD OF THE YEAR #GRAMMYS SPEECH 🚨

"Dedicate this to my city!" https://t.co/idQpLeaLfE

[Little Baby Idiot @andywattscomedy]

(Looking at the doomsday clock) Man where does the time go!

[Little Baby Idiot @andywattscomedy]

Imagine how cool the road trip would have been across Pangea

[Little Baby Idiot @andywattscomedy]

I don’t even remember what people did for leisure before GoApe

[Dan Carney @DanManCarney]

Your honor my client would like to play on his phone for a little bit

[Little Baby Idiot @andywattscomedy]

taking my bits and bobs over here because of how awful this site is
https://t.co/Di2XgRAz3I

[DJ BBQ @stepheniscowboy]

Hot girl: So what's your new book called

Tolstoy, aware women like strong men: War

Tolstoy, remembering women like sensitive men too: ... and Peace

[Little Baby Idiot @andywattscomedy]

Me trying to pee: *Thinks of water*
Me trying to poo: *Think of land*

[Little Baby Idiot @andywattscomedy]

They say the first line of a book is the most important, but I always find the copyright page bores me senseless

[Little Baby Idiot @andywattscomedy]

Jaws is scary because they don't show the shark. Imagine if they didn't show the water either. Or even the beach. Ahhhh!!

[Little Baby Idiot @andywattscomedy]

I’m running a total apolitical bipartisan protest march. Just a ton of likeminded people picketing in the name of nothing.

[Little Baby Idiot @andywattscomedy]

why is voice cracking embarrassing man, as Leonard Cohen said, cracks are how the light gets in

[Little Baby Idiot @andywattscomedy]

If you want to end yourself in a sound bath you just have to make the noise of a toaster

[Little Baby Idiot @andywattscomedy]

A duck living below the breadline :(

[Little Baby Idiot @andywattscomedy]

dunce caps and graduation caps, the spectrum of intelligence represented in hats

[Little Baby Idiot @andywattscomedy]

@stepheniscowboy slytherin ass tweet loool