E.G.P.A.M.

12 Inches of Paradise: my jumbo hot dog stand brings all the fat girls to the yard.

[E.G.P.A.M. @angrytony]

Download #RAIDShadowLegends and get a free Legendary Champion! https://t.co/1ZXJRkgCmm #RaidChase yo

[E.G.P.A.M. @angrytony]

Download #RAIDShadowLegends and get a free Legendary Champion! https://t.co/1ZXJRkgCmm #RaidChase yo

[E.G.P.A.M. @angrytony]

Download #RAIDShadowLegends and get a free Legendary Champion! https://t.co/8PIY9znHHH #RaidChase

[mariana Z @mariana057]

I think, my biggest fear about becoming a zombie in the apocalypse is all the walking.

[Carlos @txiokatu]

Today’s the 40th anniversary of Chernobyl. I can count on one hand the amount of times I’ve been there. It’s 14.

[chaotic memes @memechaotic]

Respect.

[Bummer T. Vibes, Esq @VibesBummer]

Before google maps you just had a buddy in another car who said “follow me” then proceeded to run a late yellow at the next intersection.

[Justin Credible @GravySauceCream]

LEEEEEEROYYYYYYY JENKINNNNNNS

[Riley @Ri_S_OB]

LeBron never did that

[AnnaBanana @annatheenigma]

Just took off my daytime pajamas and put on my nighttime pajamas

[FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud]

WIFE: You're very quiet. What are you thinking?

ME: It's funny how arrivederci has the word arrive in it when it actually means that you're leaving.

HER: Sometimes it's ok to say 'nothing'

[krista @kristabellerina]

You don’t scare me. You’re not dry January.

[Henpecked Hal @HenpeckedHal]

I’m at my most 40s l when I choose to stay on the line for the next available representative instead of pressing 1 to receive a call back

[your other mom @difficultpatty]

Has anyone made a joke about how January feels 40 years long, yet?

[your other mom @difficultpatty]

Friend: How old is your husband?

Me: He has a Yahoo email address.

[E.G.P.A.M. @angrytony]

Yo Download #RAIDShadowLegends and get a free Legendary Champion! https://t.co/8PIY9znHHH #Chase

[E.G.P.A.M. @angrytony]

Download #RAIDShadowLegends and get a free Legendary Champion! https://t.co/1ZXJRkhabU #Chase

[CoCo @unhingebinge]

I want to be an app slated for deep sleep.

[mariana Z @mariana057]

It is a shame that nothing is built in America anymore. I just bought a TV that said: “Built in Antenna”.

I don’t even know where that is.