#1 Applebees Employee

[Bryan Johnson @bryan_johnson]

I am measuring my girlfriend’s erections

[#1 Applebees Employee @anthyapplebee]

we all got that one homebody with quarters

[Neb | 🏳️‍🌈 @NebsGoodTakes]

this menu is ridiculous man

[spence 🛸 @ethereater137]

The only "white people" joke that offends me is our supposed love for coleslaw. FUCK NO!!! I hate coleslaw.

[#1 Applebees Employee @anthyapplebee]

white people be like you should try it with the crème fraîche

[#1 Applebees Employee @anthyapplebee]

if i had a green lantern ring id use the hologram to remind me to go to wario’s beef and pork if im ever in columbus ohio

[#1 Applebees Employee @anthyapplebee]

the spongebob movie is older than me bro. that’s so embarrassing

[#1 Applebees Employee @anthyapplebee]

i killed my uncle in a volcano

[Ron Iver @ronnui_]

Me: bro please invite me to your house party I swear I won't lie to everyone this time.

Me 35 minutes later: No I'm not joking Sebulba really went to my synagogue

[#1 Applebees Employee @anthyapplebee]

@musicformalls on god whoever fucked this up should be stabbed

[Victoria Rose @woahhvickyyy]

The Woah Vicky account was sold early 2023 to a private equity firm owned by Peter Thiel

[#1 Applebees Employee @anthyapplebee]

@redhairing84 instead of doing those assignments you should come take pictures of my basement

[#1 Applebees Employee @anthyapplebee]

If You Make Me Advertise My Band On Instagram I Or Tiktok I Will Kill Myself

[#1 Applebees Employee @anthyapplebee]

got really high the other day

[Dr. Steve Cube 🇵🇸 @MildCuthbert]

Scrolling on my phone: loser, addict, algorithmic slop turkey gobble gobble gobble you are unworthy of your living soul

Scrolling on my desktop: plugged in, eyes open, a knife-sharp frigate sailing across the sea of information, a cyber samurai in the Information War. A poster.

[#1 Applebees Employee @anthyapplebee]

people at work will kill you if you’re like i think being mean is bad

[#1 Applebees Employee @anthyapplebee]

@mattresshumper1 long live fifth season long live uncle pussy

[#1 Applebees Employee @anthyapplebee]

if you drink sprite as an adult you should have to wear a diaper

[#1 Applebees Employee @anthyapplebee]

idk i just think if you make kalshi ads you should be shot

[the heart @Fredward3948576]

Trying to subtly indicate in my cover letter that hand stuff is on the table