Ariel Evans

Comedian // SuperSonics enthusiast

I wish we were older back in the 90s so we could be video hoes -KXG

[Ariel Evans @arieldiamond8]

My favorite type of celebrity are celebrities that use their platform to speak out and tell celebrities not to use their platform to speak out.

[Ariel Evans @arieldiamond8]

Does this also work on @ICEgov??

[NYC Sanitation @NYCSanitation]

Call it a hot tub. Call it a jacuzzi. Call it OVER for the tons of snow piling up on our streets!

Our snow melters are out and operational in all five boroughs.

We bring snow from streets to central locations where melters turn the snow to water, giving us all a little more space.

[Ariel Evans @arieldiamond8]

In these cold times, I prefer my freedom neat - no ICE.

[Ariel Evans @arieldiamond8]

Phil Collins is to Black people what Drake is to white people.

[Ariel Evans @arieldiamond8]

New Year’s resolutions are hard.

So my resolution this year is to change the definition of resolution.

[Ariel Evans @arieldiamond8]

.@RobertKennedyJr sounds like @AOL dial-up.

His AIM screen name would be GoodJeans80086969.

[Ariel Evans @arieldiamond8]

Pete Hegseth is fat shaming generals like they work for Lizzo.

[The Hill @thehill]

WATCH: Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth told the U.S. military’s senior-most officers that he no longer wants to see “fat generals and admirals” or overweight troops. https://t.co/5pcCRWJ5rV

[Ariel Evans @arieldiamond8]

.@MurielBowser used to go to my favorite brunch spot. She always ordered her mimosas individually instead of bottomless.

Her judgement cannot be trusted.

[NewsWire @NewsWire_US]

D.C. Mayor Muriel Bowser welcomes federal law enforcement presence indefinitely — WaPo

[Ariel Evans @arieldiamond8]

Me when an uggo comes up to my casket

[VirgoLady ♍🌻 @Tebogo16_09]

So dramatic 😂😂😂😂

[Ariel Evans @arieldiamond8]

I've been thinking about going back to school. So here is a little something I wrote about that experience.

https://t.co/0bNznh1DLU

[Ariel Evans @arieldiamond8]

Scrolling through Twitter is like riding the NYC subway. A complete clusterfuck with a random cute dog.

[Ariel Evans @arieldiamond8]

.@budweiserusa

[Ariel Evans @arieldiamond8]

get some hotties in the white house
#ElectionDay #Election2024

[Ariel Evans @arieldiamond8]

Finally, I can bust out my boots with the fur.

[TMZ @TMZ]

Nelly Relaunching Apple Bottom Women's Jeans With Stretch Denim Technology | Click to read more 👇 https://t.co/iyhuSEQvFb

[Ariel Evans @arieldiamond8]

I'm trying to get suspended with pay.

@NYPDnews, any tips?

[Ariel Evans @arieldiamond8]

Since Trump got shot he must drop a mixtape. Rules of the game.

[Ariel Evans @arieldiamond8]

Me going outside in spring

[Ariel Evans @arieldiamond8]

Mustard on the beef, ho

[Ariel Evans @arieldiamond8]

You know you're poor when you think a 7-Eleven in the airport is fancy. S/o to the @DFWAirport

[Ariel Evans @arieldiamond8]

The #SolarEclipse happens one in a lifetime and every other year.