uh

just looking 4 the man who killed my wife. pls pm if u have any information on the man who killed my wife.

[uh @asapgnocchi]

babies are sooooo dramatic they’re like hey it’s getting a lil hot in this car why don’t i go die about it

[April Clark @autogynefiles]

Call from dentist. DECLINE. Theyre just trying to get me on the line to trace my location. So they can kill me. They’re trying to fucking kill me

[27. @dimvji]

the best part about having a job is being able to go through doors other people aren’t allowed to use. the worst part is everything else

[ravens @_R4V3N5_]

is there a way to permanently be under the effects of two beers

[Mhiel @301pushups]

Open fart surgery

[inmostlight @inmostlight]

In my culture, we hate food and we hit our grandparents.

[Pierre L’Fauex @LFauexProd]

Americans love cars because they combine their two favorite things: sitting down and killing people

[femboy mac macdonald @lilmollzerz]

you've heard of Porn Brain. well i've got Film Brain. i'll be looking at a sunset and think What A Terrific Shot. WHAT "SHOT" YOU IDIOT? THAT'S LIFE!

[JP @jpbrammer]

the phrase "lipstick on a pig" has always inspired a deep sadness in me. I think of the pig, looking forward to her big night out, and I bring myself to the verge of tears.

[blaire @pissshit90001]

“Why don’t you just ask ChatGPT” Why don’t you just Go Die #HowBoutThemApples

[lonnie @aubreyplazawyd]

If they put me on love island I’d start eating people

[blaire @pissshit90001]

boyfriend called... DECLINE! busy whore! busy with my TWITTER

[jnodding @jnodding]

walking 50m to my local cafe on a sunny 19 degree winter’s day in Melbourne to pay $8 for an oat flat white after flushing my foamy pee

[demi adejuyigbe @electrolemon]

have you ever successfully updog’d a beautiful woman. this must be what the limitless pill feels like. i could fight god right now

[Buck @Buck36043Buck]

I hope this Email finds you Gay and Retarded

[Gianfranco @whatsgoodgurl]

Leaving love island on the first day because I forgot my bathing suit

[Jalen “Millertime” Coker @JcokeBurner]

Dude beside me at the restaurant just told his wife that he cheated on her and she is crying loudly, over at my table it’s miller time though. #millertime

[trix @homelandrphonk1]

HAPPY PRIDE MONTH

[Ⓜ️ert @mertcentury]

Women when their 20 bedside cans get knocked over: my cans!

[JD✝️✡️☪️🕉☸️ @Nasaaeaoa]

Straight white billionaire orders in fluent woke, shocks entire restaurant