em ✨

i have the kind of autism that makes u sluttier than normal

[em ✨ @asdmpdg]

when ur mom & i were having our post-sex cigarette last night she told me she wishes u were more like ur brother

[bran @slugopolis]

i'm going to miss all the weird little animals, chilly summer evenings, fresh vegetables, all of it really

[¿ @umlarp]

putting in my too weak notice

[audrey @phlegmme]

Choosing a good karaoke song isn’t about what other people might want to hear. Their needs should never even cross your mind

[em ✨ @asdmpdg]

@pjharpy @alessandra_ajm @voteprincemongo In that case it seems even more appropriate to put acknowledgements lol

[em ✨ @asdmpdg]

@alessandra_ajm @voteprincemongo seconding this, my undergrad thesis had to be original research done in the entire last year of your program (but often started the summer before) and we had to defend it in front of a thesis committee. we have no idea the requirements at this person’s university

[Sunny @sunnyright]

I mean I’d have to take out a massive loan but it might be worth it

[Joseph Miscimarra 🇺🇸 @jmisci]

Leigh’s tweet reminds me of this PHENOMENAL photo taken by Gerri Whitley at Montrose Point last year.

It took my breath away when I first saw it. Such a creative way to highlight Chicago’s motto of Urbs In Horto (city in a garden)

[big papa @Iowrtown]

They turned chicago into a giant pre heated oven

[mars @marsup1al]

getting off my high horse to beat the dead horse

[Keara Sullivan @superkeara]

Your secret is safe with me until I drink a margarita

[soup🌱 @thrluv]

they should let me go inside everyone’s house just to see

[baber @bakerbakerbaker]

friends with benefits and the benefit is we are friends

[Mark @AgingRanchHand]

If you're staying overnight in the hospital there should be a mystery you get to solve about the hospital

[27. @dimvji]

the best part about having a job is being able to go through doors other people aren’t allowed to use. the worst part is everything else

[𝓲𝓬𝓮 @be_like_ice]

girls be like "i needed this" and it's just an entire day spent bed rotting with their cat.

[stewie garlic @strwberryvape]

twitter is the website for if you're just someone's weird sister

[𝒢𝒾𝓁𝒷ℯ𝓇𝓉 @AbakpaJob]

I tell my cat "I know" whenever he meows but I'm gonna be honest, I have no idea

[𝒢𝒾𝓁𝒷ℯ𝓇𝓉 @AbakpaJob]

Having a full conversation with a really yappy cat is one of life's most distinct pleasures

[gabby @MISERABLEN0W]

Addicted to telling my friends in extremely low-level government positions to “intervene” on various things