ashgar

[Toyosi @Toyjohs]

This is not friendship weather. Stop inviting me to places

[ashgar @ash_gar_]

Contestant auditioning for national cable talent show: hey I’m pretty great at doing _________
National cable show: ok ya but what trauma have u been through?

[ashgar @ash_gar_]

I’m SICK and TIRED of websites telling me my dog’s name as a password isn’t strong enough. You don’t know the bond we have!!

[ashgar @ash_gar_]

* for the entire class. He said that I (kept me anonymous) alarmed him so much he had to do it. I think about this often. This is my confession. goodnight.

[ashgar @ash_gar_]

In college one class I took had a big project due at the end of the semester and probably 2 weeks before the due date I emailed the prof a question so stupid (sincerely) that the next day he pushed back the assignment another 2 weeks

[ashgar @ash_gar_]

@SoonPlayer7 What

[ashgar @ash_gar_]

@SoonPlayer7 What

[ashgar @ash_gar_]

The longest and strongest relationship I ever had was with my Vera Bradley duffle bag

[ashgar @ash_gar_]

@jordanwinch_ @earth_2jen Sry no no it reminded me of my BFs dog

[ashgar @ash_gar_]

@SoonPlayer7 Lobster roll??

[ashgar @ash_gar_]

@SoonPlayer7 No chowder ???

[angel @sm1thsdisc0]

peppa

[. @alilpickle]

How can u not like pickles??? Fucking losers

[ashgar @ash_gar_]

@SoonPlayer7 How many ducks did u see?

[ashgar @ash_gar_]

@chrissyteigen @livndlove did u hack her twitter

[ashgar @ash_gar_]

@ashleypeeek Love that dress!

[Keaton Patti @KeatonPatti]

I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of Queer Eye and then asked it to write an episode of Queer Eye of its own. Here is the first page.

[JD Gardner @SoonPlayer7]

Happy birthday to me,
All day in NYC
My girlfriend got me this shirt
Rofl this shit's OD

[ashgar @ash_gar_]

It has almost been a month and I’m still not over my bday text from my mom vs her FB POST for my sister’s bday 6 days later