me

I’m allergic to ham.

[me @ashalono]

Did @MahatmaJohndhi tweet this?! 😂

[Pericles @PerryALPHA]

Become ungovernable

[𝐉𝐨𝐞 @jxemicucci]

Kyle Rittenhouse was allowed to kill people at 17 with a gun he wasn’t legally allowed to be carrying, while Trayvon Martin was allowed to be killed at 17 for legally carrying a bag of Skittles. There’s the American justice system in under 280 characters.

[Pericles @PerryALPHA]

Guy: (does some sociopathic shit)

His boys: beast mode

[me @ashalono]

@MahatmaJohndhi You messed up

[Eddy Burback @eddyburback]

hey guys unrelated can i borrow 299.98 million dollars

[chubbs @blakiet]

It’s Raynauds szn. My time to shine.

[me @ashalono]

LOL

[𝔏𝔦𝔬𝔫𝔢𝔰𝔰 @InsaneMistress]

t̴͖͒̊̀̅͊̋͠ḣ̸̹̱͔̞͎͇̗̝̹̞̎̔͋̇̄͘͠ẹ̶̔͋̿̕ ̸̧͓̽͋͆̑̎̅͆̂̚c̵̡̲̖͈͕͙̲̱̮͋̏̐̔͜l̵̟̖̙̖͎̝̀͑͐̈u̸̞̥̗̽̑͆͊̅̈́̒e̸̡̫̪͎͙͕̬̒s̸͔̟̣͔̲͓̜̊́͊͐͆̚͝͠

[swamp princess ᥫ᭡ @sevenkemz]

The fact that FEEDING ur wedding photographer is even a debate is telling me you lot weren’t raised right

[me @ashalono]

#NewProfilePic #weddingshred

[Brooks Otterlake @i_zzzzzz]

At this point it’s honestly kind of pathetic if you still need your phone to read a QR code instead of just doing it in your head

[me @ashalono]

@malalauren

[Rex 🍍🦖 @frecklylexi]

Everyone is so surprised how many nurses aren’t vaccinated, but considering the types of girls I went to high school with who are nurses now, I honestly just can’t say I’m surprised.

[me @ashalono]

@MahatmaJohndhi I could’ve taken them both if you just let me buy that machete. 🙄

[me @ashalono]

A recruiter named Jennifer Lopez called me yesterday and I answered, pretending to be JLos biggest fan….

I did not get a second interview

[Angee @AngeeGabs]

Broken English is a sign of courage and intelligence and it would be nice if more people remembered that when interacting with immigrants and refugees.