Ashleigh

In my defense, I was left unsupervised.

[Ashleigh @ashmutimer]

I don’t believe I could love a Twitter thread more 🥂🍾🥀

[Disney Dreamlight Valley @DisneyDLV]

We're getting there! The memory's coming together and we can already feel the ennui abating.

If a picture is worth a thousand words, maybe a photo memory will help us find another fragment.

Share your favorite Valley selfie in the replies 📸✨

[Ashleigh @ashmutimer]

WIN a Party at Blanc de Blanc Encore - Fri 3 Nov 7pm 2023: https://t.co/EYprRYdhhL

[vicky_sue @vickymutimer]

❤️ and support to all from the proud Mum of a magnificent trans daughter ❤️❤️

[Fifty Shades of Whey @davenewworld_2]

The Taliban is calling on Russia + Ukraine to "resolve the crisis through dialogue and peaceful means." You know you've gone too far as a murderous dictator when the Taliban is telling you to chill the fuck out.

[Tanya Plibersek @tanya_plibersek]

The five scariest words in the English language: Acting Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce.

[Kate McClymont @Kate_McClymont]

Here's a list of journalist euphemisms:
"Colourful racing identity" - has a dodgy past
"Tired and emotional"- drunk and incoherent
"Assisting police with their inquiries" - the prime suspect
"Creative accounting" - cooking the books
"Close personal friend" - having an affair

[Poz @pozlit]

@KKeneally Oh dear god. When will Labor finally realise that when we see “Powerbroker” we read “Corrupt elderly bloke soon to be exposed by @Kate_McClymont”? #auspol #nswlabor

[jon drake @DrakeGatsby]

You can just buy an ice cream cake whenever you want. They don’t even check if it’s your birthday or anything they just take your money

[Christina Newland @christinalefou]

I wish I had words for this but I really do not

[🌟 Joanna 🌟 @joannamont]

Today the vet told me that since Covid, they’ve had to treat a number of cats with depression caused by irritation that their people are at home all day. Obviously it’s not really funny but… that’s the most Cat thing I’ve ever heard. Apparently dogs do not have the same problem.

[Meech @MediumSizeMeech]

Bennifer4Ever

[Adam Liaw @adamliaw]

On a day that Australia's two largest cities went into lockdown, our Prime Minister was also on radio clarifying that he didn't soil himself in a McDonald's.

Australian politics is truly a gift.

[Kate Hewson @katejhewson]

Sent loads of emails today, but then loads of people sent emails back to me and now it’s on me again. The system is corrupt.

[Virginia Trioli @LaTrioli]

Endorsed. #GetVaccinated

[Annabel Crabb @annabelcrabb]

Expert on PM now talking about viral transmission by means of "faecal aerosols" inhaled in toilets and I will never be the same person again after hearing that.

[Monica Lewinsky (she/her) @MonicaLewinsky]

👀

[Ronni🧂Salt-WhoWroteGunnawahYeahThatOne @RonniSalt]

▫️

Today's mood.

(pic @BoneJeni)

[anna spargo-ryan 🍉 @annaspargoryan]

Fuck, now I’m watching A Current Affair.

[Annabel Crabb @annabelcrabb]

Hands up if you're female and have considered sending a performative masturbation vid to your workmates in a group chat?

Yeah me neither.
Too busy TBH.

Honestly where do people find the time. And the sense of total invulnerability / assurance at work to pull stuff like this?