Ask Will Graham

Relationship advice from Baltimore’s most sane (and most dateable) special agent. 🌈🍖 18+ NSFW

[Ask Will Graham @askwillgraham]

That strange warm feeling's probably anger. But could also be love. And could also be he's trying to cook you.

[Ask Will Graham @askwillgraham]

It's an April Fools guys. That gourmet source of protein's still in my bedroom, in addition to my nightmares, worst regrets, best life change. . .you get the idea

[Ask Will Graham @askwillgraham]

Tweaked my dogs-food recipe with a gourmet source of protein. Should last for weeks. I'm single again also, if you needed to know.

[Ask Will Graham @askwillgraham]

Tweaked my dogs-food recipe with a gourmet source of protein. Should last for weeks. I'm single again also, if you needed to know.

[Ask Will Graham @askwillgraham]

Source: https://t.co/LYO2PngBRo

[Ask Will Graham @askwillgraham]

Therapy with my husband:

[Ask Will Graham @askwillgraham]

Or small talk

[Hannibal Lecter Advice @murdertherapy]

*sharpens knives*

[Hannibal Lecter Advice @murdertherapy]

He's insane for this and it's a guy whose dark urges could write poetry in blood.

[Ask Will Graham @askwillgraham]

Pro tip delaying your own murder:

Have it instead of an anything* and coke

*for me this is whiskey

[Hannibal Lecter Advice @murdertherapy]

If you feel down, an aperol spritz can perk you up if murder is not an option.

[Ask Will Graham @askwillgraham]

*pepper

Damn it

[Ask Will Graham @askwillgraham]

I like the flavor of people but . . .don't most recipes use too much? What do you think?

[Ask Will Graham @askwillgraham]

Dog Contingency Plan (Retirement Edition):

IN CASE OF DEATH DURING COLLECTING HANNIBAL AND FAKING OUR DEATH
✅Life insurance goes to family, and family cares for dogs
ALL OTHER CONTINGENCIES
✅Chiyoh

[Ask Will Graham @askwillgraham]

Incarceration taught me a valuable lesson. Have a dog contingency plan. So here's my dog contingency plans, for my life after that.

[Ask Will Graham @askwillgraham]

Dog Contingency Plan (Travel Edition):

IN CASE OF DEATH IN EUROPE
✅Brought dogs to a new home, really quiet location, nice family
IN CASE OF SURVIVAL IN EUROPE
✅Consider dating new owner of dogs

[Hannibal Lecter Advice @murdertherapy]

Never apologize for being right, and when in doubt, add more butter.

[Hannibal Lecter Advice @murdertherapy]

Celebrate the knockoff Habsburg playing pretend in his blood diamond hat with a feast to remember.

[Hannibal Lecter Advice @murdertherapy]

Writers deserve to reap the fruits of their labor, and anyone who complains about their shows being delayed is going in the Cuisinart.

[Ask Will Graham @askwillgraham]

How many times have I said 'Don't lick that it's going on the table.' Guys. Please. There's eight of you, one of me, and I don't know where my husband is to help lift this into the kitchen.

[Hannibal Lecter Advice @murdertherapy]

Time to open up my Rolodex and arrange a rapid unscheduled disassembly for the mechanic who overcharged me for fixing the Bentley.

[Hannibal Lecter Advice @murdertherapy]

When the FBI is persecuting me for my harmless and whimsical hobbies, this is who they're targeting:

[Ask Will Graham @askwillgraham]

From the horse's mouth. Luckily.

[Hannibal Lecter Advice @murdertherapy]

@askwillgraham @MadHatter8725 Everyone gets the murder advice they're ready to hear