Mary Nicholson

People change for two reasons. They've learned a lot, or they have been hurt too many times.

[Danielle Pace @bezzubkina]

Hurricanes are like women: when they come, they're wet and wild, but when they leave they take your house and car.

[Rebecca Thomas @CoolPilipeyko]

If someone hid something on page 2 of google searches, no one would ever find it.

[Mary Nicholson @AsonovMs]

Reasons I check my voicemail- 1% to hear the message, 99% to get rid of that annoying icon

[Terri Reichard @bredikhinpolik1]

Say what you feel, it's not being rude; it's being real.

[Katherine Sowell @zkorelko]

I might not be everything you ever wanted, but I'm always going to be more than you deserve.

[Mary Nicholson @AsonovMs]

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark, professionals built the Titanic.

[Mary Nicholson @AsonovMs]

Facebook: Scrolling down your newsfeed thinking "Don't care.'' "Whore." "Your life sucks." "Song lyrics." "Inside joke?" "Needs a therapist"

[Mary Nicholson @AsonovMs]

I hate it when my boss calls my name and I automatically think "What the hell did I do now?"

[Anne Robinson @76Protas]

When a bird craps on my car, I like to sit outside and eat a plate of scrambled eggs, just so all the other birds know what I'm capable of.

[Celina Gutierrez @SfilatkinXr]

A committee is twelve men doing the work of one.

[Mary Nicholson @AsonovMs]

Gave my son a pocketknife & the crybaby cut himself. So I'm dyeing his hair black & disguising him as an emo kid before his mom gets home.

[Mary Nicholson @AsonovMs]

Hate Mondays. Annoy Tuesday. Ignore Wednesday. Smile Thursday. Love Friday. Enjoy Saturday. Damn Sunday.

[Mary Nicholson @AsonovMs]

Me? Weird? Bitch please, I'm limited edition.

[Emma Lahey @GZadiraevae]

I've changed? No.. I just grew up. I stopped letting people push me around, I learned that I can't always be happy, I accepted reality!

[Mary Wallace @polynkov1973]

Eating solves everything. When you're sad. When you're mad. When you're bored.

[Mary Nicholson @AsonovMs]

If pets could talk, I think we'd all be in trouble... They've seen too much.

[Mary Nicholson @AsonovMs]

Awkward eye contact with people in cars next to you at red lights.