turns out, reading a lot, exercising, loving people without expecting anything back, protecting your alone time, focusing only on improving yourself, and sometimes staying out late with friends who make you laugh until it hurts is a pretty good way to live.
also copped this in mint condition for like $30 and the airport security on my way home was amused when he opened it up to see like 25 pieces of physical media just crammed in there.
"wow!" "i went to the thrift store(:" "yeah, it sure looks like it!"
love it when people talk to me about hurt as soon as I meet them. dead spouses and siblings and miscarriages and bad relationships. they then get sheepish. but little do they know I am built to talk about woe and tribulations
i wanted him to see me get married and walk me down the aisle and for him to meet his great grandkids one day and go peacefully surrounded by everybody he loves, this is vicious and heartbreaking
preemptive grief is horrendous. why do i feel like i lost you already when i know i'm just losing you- you're still here, but you're a shell of who you were. i hate this feeling.
my grandfather was the closest thing i had to a stable father figure my entire life, this death is going to take me a long time to recover from. watching him go from kicking cancers ass for years to being immobilized because it finally caught up to him, i'm in shambles.