god’s sleepiest soldier

Northern VA | Here for: hot takes, laughs, pop culture, Costco finds, cute puppies, and Georgia football.

[Andrew Fleischman @ASFleischman]

The Cobb County Democratic Committee has issued a press release decrying a cartoon depicting the Cobb County District Attorney, Sonya Allen, as flatulent and inept.

They call this criticism "Jim Crow Propaganda"

The cartoon is below.

[god’s sleepiest soldier @audreymcoots]

Being chastised for only tweeting once every three months is like getting mad at God for the Bible spanning several thousand years. Good content comes to those who wait.

[god’s sleepiest soldier @audreymcoots]

It will take dementia and being in memory care for me to forget the choreographed dances I made up in elementary school.

[god’s sleepiest soldier @audreymcoots]

ok but why did no one gift me any shrek themed items this year since it’s basically my entire roman empire?

[Scott Gorenstein @ScottGorenstein]

If you are in line to hold space for the lyrics of Defying Gravity, stay in line!

[taylor @wishescametrue]

you know what's crazy is when i think tim mcgraw i think of taylor swift

[god’s sleepiest soldier @audreymcoots]

SEC refs just gave Texas a touchdown.

[god’s sleepiest soldier @audreymcoots]

With all due respect, the Air France take off and landing music is not the vibe.

[god’s sleepiest soldier @audreymcoots]

@unplugfitX Disrespectfully, who the fuck do you think you are?

[Dave Jorgenson @davejorgenson]

"I have concepts of a plan ... and you'll be hearing about it in the not-too-distant future"

me in the monday morning meeting

[god’s sleepiest soldier @audreymcoots]

“They’re eating the pets.”

Me trying to convince the teacher that a man in Springfield ate my dog which ate my homework.

[god’s sleepiest soldier @audreymcoots]

*Peyton, because I am too lazy to delete and re-post my own humorous takes.

[god’s sleepiest soldier @audreymcoots]

The world needs more of whatever drug Payton Manning is on during his live MNF broadcasts. I mean, I’ve truly never seen someone so eager or excited about showing up to their job.

[god’s sleepiest soldier @audreymcoots]

Prayers up for the Coots-Powell household. We’re about to become even less productive.

[Balatro @BalatroGame]

Productivity be damned! Balatro is coming to mobile on September 26th

[Waffle House @WaffleHouse]

some people like to be wined and dined.
i prefer to be smothered & covered.

[same at on the other app @colleenawilson]

Tim Walz Hot Ones but it’s just 9 different variations of mild sauce and 1 medium

[god’s sleepiest soldier @audreymcoots]

The real reason I got my nails done this week was so I wouldn’t bite them watching @TeamUSA.

[Governor Tim Walz @GovTimWalz]

Summer is for pup cups

[David Hogg 🟧 @davidhogg111]

Tim Walz 100000% stands at his doorstep when it’s raining and says “we needed this”

[god’s sleepiest soldier @audreymcoots]

And just like that, our stocks—both financially and emotionally—just went back up.