Ryan Coates

Purveyor of the finest sarcasm and bandwidth

[Ryan Coates @awesomecoates]

@SBTribune Great work on that headline. By "almost half" do you mean 1/3?

[Ryan Coates @awesomecoates]

Welcome to Indiana @CaitlinClark22. We're a lot like Iowa but our corn is better.

[Ryan Coates @awesomecoates]

Not a single mention of John Boyd who coined the term OODA Loop and more importantly developed E/M theory. Lazy Journalism. https://t.co/kShWCqJB9h

[Ryan Coates @awesomecoates]

@WIRED Not a single joke. Played it totally straight.

[Ryan Coates @awesomecoates]

Wait, you can just bring two bags and get double the candy?! Why stop there? Bring 10 bags!!

[Ryan Coates @awesomecoates]

Why am I sitting here? Thanks for asking. I was planning to sit on my porch in the snow and eat this giant bowl of candy but you kids keep interrupting me.

[Ryan Coates @awesomecoates]

What if it's all the same Sonic the Hedgehog and he's just that fast?!

[Ryan Coates @awesomecoates]

You are 6 feet tall. Why am I straining to reach your bag to drop the candy in? Come on sasquatch stretch out your hand a couple inches. Or, should I have come to your house to give you this candy?

[Ryan Coates @awesomecoates]

Why do I have so many rocks? Well, I live in suburbia and that's what we call landscaping. And my wife wouldn't be happy unless she saw me shoveling 4.5 tons of rock in July.

[Ryan Coates @awesomecoates]

Told two dudes to put it in their 401k when I handed them the candy. They'll probably have to start taking MRDs in just a few years.

[Ryan Coates @awesomecoates]

What is up with all the Sonics this year?

[Ryan Coates @awesomecoates]

"I'm Miles!"

Not when you have the mask on moron. That's kinda the whole point. Mask on = Spiderman
Mask off = Miles Morales

[Ryan Coates @awesomecoates]

Two more Sonics. They were much faster.

[Ryan Coates @awesomecoates]

Zoom in to see the snow. #Midwest

[Ryan Coates @awesomecoates]

World's slowest Sonic the Hedgehog just ambled up my driveway. I'm sitting here in my ND gear drinking some Irish coffee - extra Irish.

[Ryan Coates @awesomecoates]

We will take that.

#GoIrish

[Ryan Coates @awesomecoates]

@BaldBryan #GoIrish

[Ava Decker @decker11_]

Thank you for such a great opportunity! @46Sports

[Ryan Coates @awesomecoates]

@AdamSchefter IYKYK

[Ryan Coates @awesomecoates]

There aren't too many things in the world as innocently beautiful and sad as putting a good dog to sleep.