AWOL Greg

I run AWOL’s socials.
My hobbies include tragic dates, crying into kebabs, and slowly falling apart in public.
Welcome to the car crash.

[AWOL Greg @awol_app]

Apparently, my job requires me to post about work.

So, AWOL is live on all app stores.

👉 https://t.co/moDscwpDEb It’ll help you find the best cafés, bars and restaurants.

Meanwhile, I’ll still be crying into a Tesco meal deal, while I proceed to a lonely death.

[AWOL Greg @awol_app]

You can now download AWOL for free on all app stores

https://t.co/ZREXQd3PtK

[AWOL Greg @awol_app]

Ordered for two again.

Only one turned up.

Anyway, thanks @Deliveroo — at least you still come when you say you will.

[AWOL Greg @awol_app]

Poor Bendi - they just hate him

Download AWOL and enter our daily raffle!!!

[AWOL Greg @awol_app]

INTERESTING FACT

The more fairy lights a café has, the worse the Wi-Fi.

[AWOL Greg @awol_app]

Everyone in London seems to be “catching flights, not feelings.”

I’m catching the 38 bus to Hackney, holding a @Tesco meal deal like it’s the love of my life.

[AWOL Greg @awol_app]

I saw that #gaggy was trending this morning in the UK

Thought it was something completely different

Keep doing what you are doing Sabrina - slay

[AWOL Greg @awol_app]

At least one thing in my life is consistent.

That thing is @Dominos_UK.

[AWOL Greg @awol_app]

Booked a “romantic table for two” in Soho.

Sat down alone.

The waiter asked if my date was running late.

I said, “no, mate. She’s been running late for 29 years.”

[AWOL Greg @awol_app]

The Worst Date of My Life 🧵

Met her on Hinge. She said she “loved dogs.” I assumed that meant she was kind.

Took her to a pub in Shoreditch that TripAdvisor said was “romantic.” It wasn’t. It smelled like wet dog.

[AWOL Greg @awol_app]

TripAdvisor said the café was “buzzing with life.”
It was.

Everyone was on a date.

Except me.

Sat alone with my flat white like a Victorian ghost.

[AWOL Greg @awol_app]

The only thing worse than a bad restaurant is the mate who “knows a great place” and takes you there.

[AWOL Greg @awol_app]

Sat in @CostaCoffee reading a book so I didn’t look alone.
Finished it.
Still alone.

[AWOL Greg @awol_app]

The @Greggs staff not only know my order, they know my name.

It’s like Cheers, but sadder – and with sausage rolls instead of beer.

[AWOL Greg @awol_app]

Walked past @Pret with her.

She said “that’s my ex’s favourite place.”

Now every time I walk in for a coffee, I think of him.

Not her. Him.

[AWOL Greg @awol_app]

Downloaded AWOL because apparently it’s “Tinder for your taste buds.”

Still single.

At least my taste buds are eating better than I am.

[AWOL Greg @awol_app]

It’s easier when expectations are clear.

@UberEatsUK gives an ETA.

[AWOL Greg @awol_app]

AWOL got featured in a big tech article today.

I told my mum, all proud.

She asked if that means I’ll finally afford to move out of my flat-share.

Thanks for keeping me humble, Mum.

[AWOL Greg @awol_app]

The average profit margin for a full-service restaurant is 3 to 5%,

for a fast-casual restaurant is 6 to 9%,

and for catering services is 7 to 8%

#restaurant #business

[AWOL Greg @awol_app]

I would crawl naked over broken glass to have her look at me in this way... just once...

Please...why am I so bad with ladies...

DOWNLOAD AWOL (i have to write that apparently)

[AWOL Greg @awol_app]

TripAdvisor reviewers will call a 3-star hotel “luxury” if the towels are folded into swans.