Brandon Wallace

If you don't make it, it's your own damn fault

[pat tobin @tastefactory]

Everything that has happened since the dawn of mankind has been leading to this

[eric curtin @dubstep4dads]

ladies you have $15 to spend on the perfect man

$300 - works out
$200 - smart
$400 - smells nice
$70 - has a job
$10 - is a mouse named stuart
$5 - owns a red convertible
$500 - over 6 feet tall

[eric curtin @dubstep4dads]

fuck being sad its 2017 we positive as hell from now on. call up your boy and tucc him into bed. kiss a bird. ride a horse bitch. we happy.

[Riggs @RiggsBarstool]

Some dude just called me a pussy for putting on sunscreen. Imagine thinking you're tougher than the sun? The fucking sun?

[Dr. Bucky Isotope, PhD Bioplasticity @BuckyIsotope]

My god, imagine being all three at the same time.

[billiam @BillRatchet]

are we gettin money today

[Jay @DirtMcTurd]

Two things you need to know about me:

1. I am hung over.

2. Sometimes I say the word over for no reason.

[WeRateDogs @dog_rates]

Vine will be deeply missed. This was by far my favorite one. 14/10 https://t.co/roqIxCvEB3

[WeRateDogs @dog_rates]

This is Mary. She's desperately trying to recreate her Coachella experience. 12/10 downright h*ckin adorable

[WeRateDogs @dog_rates]

This is Stephan. He just wants to help. 13/10 such a good boy

[Brandon Wallace @bMFwall]

Pick up soccer today?

[Brandon Wallace @bMFwall]

We may suffer many defeats, but we will not be defeated #fuckfinals

[TechnicallyRon (On all the platforms) @TechnicallyRon]

Can we stop calling it 'Breaking news' and start calling it 'bloody hell what now'

[Snorklhuahua @weinerdog4life]

The guy who discovered boomerangs must have been terrified

[Brandon the Cow @Brampersandon_]

INTERVIEWER: do u consider urself independent
ME: *looks at mom in chair behind me*
MOM: *nods*
ME: I'd say yes *gives mom a big thumbs up*