Balloon Dog

Demotivated. Underinflated.

[Balloon Dog @balloon_dog]

I do an amazing impression of someone who has their shit together

[Balloon Dog @balloon_dog]

Middle-class Britain is falling apart!

[Balloon Dog @balloon_dog]

Really wish we had Thanksgiving in the UK, I'd love to be eating dry turkey with people who I don't like right now

[Balloon Dog @balloon_dog]

@EggRefunds I don't remember paying for the card, a refund would be unfair

[Balloon Dog @balloon_dog]

@WineMummy attractive person writes shit tweet

[Balloon Dog @balloon_dog]

You know that Twitter woman you have a crush on is actually a 14 year-old boy.

[Fred Delicious 🍆 @Fred_Delicious]

[olympic sports final]
Me - [does a sports]
Commentator - "HOLY COW WHAT A SPORTS THAT WAS. A PERFECT SPORTS!!"
Crowd - "SPORTS SPORTS SP

[Balloon Dog @balloon_dog]

Putting fake ads on Gumtree just so you can have some human contact

[Balloon Dog @balloon_dog]

Quitting smoking is easy, I've done it at least 17 times

[Balloon Dog @balloon_dog]

Indecent Exposure - An Autobiography

[Balloon Dog @balloon_dog]

Life is dragging a bit.

[Balloon Dog @balloon_dog]

Twitter announces a new feature to hide tweets featuring the word 'Pokémon'

Well, we can dream.

[Balloon Dog @balloon_dog]

73.1% of statistics are made up.

[Fred Delicious 🍆 @Fred_Delicious]

THE ONE WHERE ROSS ROSS ROSS ROSS ROSS ROSS ROSS ROSS ROSS ROSS ROSS ROSS ROSS ROSS ROSS ROSS

[Natty Lumpo @nattylumpo88]

Soccer player makes remarkable recovery after seemingly catastrophic injury

[Balloon Dog @balloon_dog]

*steals your life, not your joke*

[out of context things @TheComedyHumor]

When you're both "typing..." So u erase the message to let them speak first, but they do the same thing

[Balloon Dog @balloon_dog]

I was told to 'vote with my feet' but I'm having trouble holding the pen between my toes.

[Olaf Falafel @OFalafel]

I've recently lost my sex drive which is a bit worrying because it had over 500 gigabytes of movies on it.

[Cat Damon @CornOnTheGoblin]

ALRIGHTSTOP
Pullup yo pants & listen
publicparks r a bad spot 4 pissin
SOMETHING
grabs ahold of my shoulder
Under arrest 4 indecent exposure