bastoed_sloth

Does anyone know how to contact Kermit the Frog? I need to talk to him about something very important.

[Kansas City Royals @Royals]

FINAL: White Sox 22, Royals 1

[cait @digicait]

Hi @phoebebridgers in your new song Lost Boys when you sing “On a motor bike, doing 90 in a 55” can you change the lyric to “In a Honda Accord doing the speed limit” for your fans that drive Honda Accords and drive the speed limit? Thanks in advance. Much love, cait

[ZedsamcatThe2nd @AltSamCat]

Sharia Mayor speaks perfect LGBTQ by not ironing the pride flag, shocks LGBTQ constituents

[The Girl with the Garfield Tattoo @shelbyboring]

My favorite part of this song is when Vanessa asks the listener if they’ve eaten, not because she’s making sure you’re taken care of, but because if you pass out while dancing with her at the club YOU WILL get left behind

[turned the lights off, carried it home @coldhamsandwich]

Minnesota playing chess, unfortunately for them the Avs are playing hockey.

[carl 🥦 @NightlifeMingus]

Odysseus: “Achilles! I see you, once honored as a god among the Argives, now rule over the dead — so grieve no more, great Achilles.”

Achilles (played by Tim Robinson): FUUUUCK this fucking SUCKS ASS, OH my GOD, dude, I fucking HHHHHATE being dead! Being dead FUCKing SUUUUUUUCKS

[m @ohmakeda]

twitter’s new algo is weird to me because you used to get an actually good sense of what everyone is talking about. now they just pull the topic you like and just bombard you w/ every tweet about it

[Babybloodbjorn @kikoscasino]

ppl thinking “maddie’s secret” is a trans movie is so funny when john is immedialty clearly playing a cis woman through the power of his transformative acting

[presley @g00doldays]

having obsessive compulsive disorder while reading hantavirus coverage

[kofi anon @poemPilled]

Chicago twitter is cool you can tell we still have a long way to go as a city in terms of lead removal

[John Attridge @John_Attridge]

Young men from ages 16-29 should be reading as many tweets about Hemingway, Steinbeck, Fitzgerald, Kerouac, and Whitman as possible

[. @IlPetrolier3]

C'è una certa canzone che è anche la migliore di tutti i tempi...

[bastoed_sloth @bastoed_sloth]

As much as the guest stars on the muppet show respect kermit, at some point you have to admit he’s the one at fault for at least some of the technical mishaps on the show

[anna !!! :)) 🇵🇸🌸✨🌸🇵🇸 @frogs4girls]

i will not puke in the uber. puking in the uber is the mind killer. puking in the uber is the little death which brings total obliteration.

[Mohammad @MargBarAmerica]

i swear to god they actually did a false flag to justify the white house ballroom. not iran, THE BALLROOM lmao

[jay @kendallhosseini]

he thinks he can flash a smile and make everyone forget the video. and he’s right. whatever you say, kitten ❤️

[bastoed_sloth @bastoed_sloth]

Up until the second she steals a baby, mother gothel has done nothing wrong in Disney’s tangled

[Definitely Nick @other_st_nick]

So weird how every sport has uniform evening start times during the week, except baseball who’s like yeah you guys can do whatever, we don’t care. and then they just play while everyone’s at work and can’t watch

[mount bellyache @mountbellyache]

some things are ragebait but this is bewildermentbait. they’re desperate for me to inquire as to why

[Jason, ex Inferis @benedictsred]

And the chicken, is it jerked in house?